Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Circle back

January is a big month for resolutions. Gyms are more crowded, more money is saved...maybe more vegetables are sold.

Another big resolution for those looking to make a change? Love life.

January is the busiest month for new enrollment on dating websites. People start the year with a renewed interest and determination in finding their one true love.

It's supposed to be a time of change; of doing things differently. People have turned over a new leaf, figured out the mistakes of their past, and reinvented themselves to make a positive change.

Which is why I was a little surprised to receive my regularly-scheduled blast from the past messages. You know - when mistakes guys from my past reach out and try to "reconnect."

So far - two. One is a guy who has been around for about a year now - he comes and goes. We've talked about him before. His reappearance was brief - he said hi on a dating site, I said hello, and he never responded. Weird - sometimes I think maybe he just likes to be sure I'm still alive.

The other was a message from a guy who I met once for coffee, back in the fall. Nice enough, no real spark. I considered going on a second date - until he messaged me online to question what I was doing, and then didn't believe me when I told him. I never heard from him again, and figured he wasn't interested. I didn't care enough to find out for sure.

He messaged me over the weekend and asked how I'd been doing. He didn't identify himself, and he'd taken his picture down, but I remembered him based on his profile. He asked if he could text me - he had a new number and had lost mine.

He'd also forgotten my name.

I suggested that if I wasn't even memorable enough for him to recall my name (which, by the way, is ridiculously easy to remember) then perhaps my initial feeling was right, and we are not a good fit. He disagreed - I let him know it wasn't open for debate, and wished him well.

Neither of these reappearances will amount to much more than a momentary annoyance. Still, they do make me wonder...what makes some people circle back?

We're supposed to learn from our mistakes. We're supposed to take those lessons and make positive changes, to move our life forward - and in a better direction. That's the whole point of new year resolutions - replacing bad habits with good.

I know not everyone subscribes to the whole resolution idea. A lot of people figure January 1 is just another day - and to an extent, I agree. If your life sucked on December 31, it probably won't be much different twelve hours later.

But those are circumstances, which always take time to change. What we can change immediately - and at any time - is our attitude. It doesn't have to be on January 1 - but if the day fills people with hope and a renewed sense of focus and motivation to improve, what's so bad about that?

Whether you choose to make your changes on January 1, or August 17 - the point is, at some point, we all have to embrace the mistakes we've made and try to do something different. It's been said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

Which, by the way, is also the definition of dating.

So, if you're going to keep dating, at some point, don't you need to accept that whatever you've been doing up to this point hasn't worked - and then maybe, change things up a little?

Perhaps not calling that woman who you didn't really like that much in the first place is a good place to start.

1 comment:

  1. "He disagreed - I let him know it wasn't open for debate"

    I loved that line! He tried to reject your rejection, and you shut him down :) If someone says they're not interested, arguing rarely helps the case.

    I think I do that thing, circling back. Not with dating, just in general. Like, when you're shopping and what you want isn't there. You don't just leave because what you *really* wanted was to find that shiny item and take it home - so you stand there a while longer in the forlorn hope that maybe you overlooked it somehow. Even though it's not what you want, you pick up a similar item a few times and look it over *very* carefully. Eventually you quit and go to another store, but that's probably what that circling back business is all about.