Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Not the girlfriend

So, Engineer is getting married next month (yay!). He invited me with a "plus one." At first, I wasn't going to bring a date. Going solo wouldn't bother me. I'd just chat and make friends with my table-mates.

But it's a formal affair, with dinner and dancing - and no one I know. The more I thought, the more I felt it might be more fun with a date.

The thing is - I'm not at the "wedding date stage" with anyone at the moment (remember - timing is everything). It would be relationship suicide for me to invite someone who might not show up, anyway. If you think I'm tough on people who cancel on me, you don't want to see what I'd do to someone who canceled on my friend.

So - I invited Trooper.

For those keeping track, or if you're new around here - yes, I'm taking a guy I used to date to the wedding of another guy I used to date.

The thing is- Trooper will be a great date. He'll be on time, he looks absolutely phenomenal in a suit (and knows to wear one). He'll open doors, pull out chairs, and help me with my coat. He's met Engineer, and is super-fun at a party. He might even dance with me.

He even responded to the invitation perfectly. He thanked me for inviting him, and said he'd love to go. No one is ever that enthusiastic about hanging out with me - and definitely not for something like a wedding.

I thought to myself, wouldn't it be nice to meet a guy who would respond that way? I mean, one who wants to date me. They're never that nice.

Then it occurred to me - that's probably one of the main reasons Trooper was so cool. It's not a "date" since we're just friends. No date means no pressure. Since I'm not his girlfriend, he's free to say no. That freedom makes everything more pleasant.

Of course, dating takes away some of that freedom. A guy who is in a relationship feels obligated to say yes, to keep his girlfriend/wife happy. But what does that say about dating? That it's a series of unpleasant obligations, done so that you don't have to meet new people?

What about my hope, to meet The One? A guy who will be nice to me, even when I'm asking him to do something he doesn't want? I'd have better luck finding a leprechaun to lead me to his pot of gold.

I suppose there is always the possibility that nice guys exist. Even when we dated, Trooper was a good guy (but don't tell him I said so).

If I found one, perhaps another isn't too much to ask.

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