Thursday, November 1, 2012

Asked and answered

I've been thinking a lot about how to improve my communication that seems to be a running theme over here this week.

Several people leaped to a conclusion about how this date ended, based on the fact that I drove all that way to meet a guy who was staying in a hotel. Seems it never occurred to them that a lot of questions had been answered prior to me agreeing to that date.

Like I said - I'm not an expert at this kind of communication. But I am improving.
  • Yes, it was our first date - but we'd been talking and texting for nearly three weeks prior to meeting.
  • Those three weeks included two full days of a little question and answer session via text; when I say a full day, I mean about a 10 hour train ride. You'd be surprised what you can learn if you talk for 20 solid hours.
  • We specifically talked more than once about whether we were both looking for a hook-up, or something with long-term potential; our answer was the same.
  • There were no expectations when I met him, even though he was staying in a hotel that night. The man lives out of hotel rooms. No matter where/when I met him, that was going to be the case.
Yes, I realize the whole, "I'm looking for someone to date," could have just been a line to convince me to meet. That's true any time any guy says any thing. If I travel through life assuming that every good thing a guy says to me is just a line, I'm going to miss when someone finally tells me the truth. I'm not willing to take that chance.

Truthfully, it does not make sense to me that this guy would work so hard to get to know someone he saw as nothing more than a (potential) hook-up. Seems to me if that's all he wanted, it would be easier to find someone closer, or just go to a bar and pick up some random person. If he's working that hard for a (potential) hook-up, he should consult his Being a Player for Dummies handbook, because he's doing it wrong.

Yes, I realize it shouldn't be necessary to have the "Where is this going?" conversation after just one date. That makes it seem like there was no discussion before hand. Thing is, the guy has a tough schedule. It was even tougher the week following our date, because he had plans to travel - like, far. I asked if he wanted to see me again. That was all that seemed reasonable after a first date. It's all I want to commit to after a first date. He said yes, he does want to see me again, but he was not in a position to say when that might happen.

It may sound stupid, but not getting that next date on the calendar makes me anxious. All I can do is sit, and wait, and live my life, and see what happens. I can't know what's next until it happens. I suck at that.

I may be bad at communication - but there's one thing I do know: It is really annoying to be asked the same question over and over.
  • He said he's looking for something with long-term potential. (He actually answered this question more than once.)
  • He said he wanted to meet me; and we did.
  • It went well.
  • He said he wanted to see me again.
The questions are asked and answered. I may not like exactly where things sit right now, but he's not really to blame for my hang-ups. He has never not answered a question I've asked, and so far, he's been on my page.

Regardless if that changes, what his true intentions turn out to be, or where anything goes - this uncertainty is a part of dating. If I can't handle it - I shouldn't be dating in the first place.

1 comment:

  1. True Dat! SISTA!

    Sorry... I was inhabiting a more URBAN feel right there.....

    Dating isn't fun... at first.. And, in the end, you know it, Someone is going to have to want you BECAUSE of your HANG-UPS (not in spite of them) and you are going to want to do the same for them.

    It'll happen.