Thursday, October 25, 2012

I never could juggle

One thing I've always wanted to learn how to do is juggle. I feel like I lack the patience, focus, and hand-eye coordination to toss multiple flaming torches above my head, and try to catch them one by one, while keeping the rest spinning in the air. But I feel like it would look so pretty if I could figure it out - especially if I could do it while wearing one of those cute circus outfits.

Found it here
Sometimes I think the same is true with me when it comes to dating. I'm not sure I have the patience and focus to manage, skillfully, putting my best foot forward while also being true to who I am, and at the same time look out for myself and where the relationship is going, while also not being too pushy, or putting too much pressure on the situation.

I mean, I know how to do all of those things - but I can only manage one or two at the same time. The rest seem to fall out of the air and into a burning pile of destruction, usually right at my feet.

For instance, my current situation...

I know I've put my best foot forward, both while we talked and on our first date. I'd like to be that woman who can just casually wait and see if he calls, and then follow blindly while he steers the relationship. But while that might seem like the "best-foot-forward" play - it's not being true to myself.

Being true to myself means saying something to assess his interest-level, so that I know I'm not spinning my wheels. But I want to do that in the best way possible, and with the best timing, so that I don't scare him away.

Do you smell something burning yet?

I asked Engineer what he thinks. He said he's waited until the six-month mark, which may have been a little too long. Then again, he also says women have brought up the "Where is this going?" conversation on a first date - which is way too soon.
So what you're saying is, the perfect time is sometime between now and six months from now?
Well that's helpful.
The truth is, I don't have doubts about Mr. Ding-a-Ling's (still giggling) intentions. I don't get a player-vibe from him at all, nor do I get a "I'll just blow you off" kinda vibe. I think he'd tell me if he wasn't interested.

What I do wonder is, between a heavy travel schedule for work, and family that includes kids out of state, and the fact that he doesn't have a permanent address right now - does he have room in his life for the kind of relationship I want?

It could work, but it's a lot to ask of a new relationship. But recently, I've made some really firm decisions about what I want in terms of my relationship status, and I'm trying to make choices that will help me get what I want. That doesn't include choosing to wait around for anyone to fit me into his life.

Not even if anyone makes me drool in my pasta (just a little).

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