Monday, February 3, 2014

Not meant to be

A lot of guys came out of the woodwork in January. Some messaged, others called. A couple just viewed my profile. The majority reappeared during the full moon. I attributed the additional traffic to still-single guys making a January power-play on their resolution to find a girlfriend in 2014.

I don't know if any did. I do know none found one here.

Most of these guys were the usual suspects. Guys who routinely fall in and out of the black hole.

But of all the people who might circle back, this guy was the last I would have expected.

He started by asking how I was doing. I briefly considered just ignoring the text. But a) that really isn't my style, and b) I thought the conversation might offer some good blog fodder.

After a few polite messages back and forth, he asked if we could get together sometime. I (again briefly) thought about setting up a date and just not showing. I quickly dismissed that idea, knowing I'd never go through with it.

I went with honesty instead, and said I would have liked that.... but for the fact that he stood me up. He apologized. I accepted his apology, but told him I'm just not up to trying again, especially after so much time has passed. I added that I had really liked him, and my feelings were really hurt.

I couldn't help myself; I asked why he didn't show that day. He responded that he didn't have the money and didn't want to look like a "low-life."

Let me stop here. Let's set the record straight on one thing, right now. Yes, it sucks to have to cancel plans. Yes, it's embarrassing to admit you have no money. But when it comes to dating, there is nothing - not a single thing - more disrespectful, hurtful, and just plain unnecessary than standing a woman up. Just straight up leave her hanging, waiting at a restaurant. Especially when you suggested the date; you picked the time and place.

I have no idea if this guy is being honest. Assuming he is, it really is too bad. By all counts, we really liked each other, and maybe could have had something nice.

If he had just said he didn't have the money, I would have quickly pivoted and suggested a less expensive date. Or I would have suggested another time. I wouldn't have been upset, and I certainly wouldn't have thought less of him. In fact - I would have had a lot of respect for his honesty.

Instead, he did the most cowardly thing a guy can do. He let immaturity and pride get in the way. Now we'll never know what might have developed between us.

It would be tempting to get upset about the whole thing. To think it's unfair, or that it's just a case of bad timing. To wonder if maybe it can be repaired if we "just try." But I already know there's no such thing as "the one who got away." I know this all means it just wasn't meant to be.

I wonder if he knows the same?

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