Remember this guy? He didn't want to keep dating because it was causing him "anxiety." I didn't really get into it in that post, but the way we left things was that we would just be friends - and we have kept in touch.
So last week, we were emailing, and he was asking me some questions about my freelance work, and whether or not I could help his business. We ended up agreeing to meet next week to go over some ideas. I feel funny charging my friends for help, so I told him just to buy me dinner and we'll call it even.
Then the other night I was poking around on the site where we met - and noticed that he was online*. It left me wondering - if he's so "afraid of women" and has such anxiety that we couldn't date - why is he online at all?
Want to know my theory?
He made a big deal in his profile about not being "superficial" and judging women by their looks. I think that he decided he wasn't attracted to me (he's big into fitness; I - am not) but didn't want to admit that was the problem - so he used his fall-back excuse.
The interesting thing is, this guy really does have a problem with women going "crazy." We've talked a couple of times about how his history is riddled with women who just go plain cuckoo at some point in the relationship. I've told him how some women really have been hurt, and don't handle it well, and a lot of times the next guy is who pays for how badly the last guy hurt her.
But what if he was lying to me? Assuming he was - and that he has lied to women before - then really, what right does he have to be mad about the crazy?
If he's not being honest with women, then he's really messing with their heads. Not intentionally, maybe - but the affect is the same. If he's messing with heads and playing with emotions, it seems to me he should expect women to "lose it" at some point. After all, everyone has their limits as to how much and how far they can be messed with, led on.
Not to mention, if he's lying about what he wants and why he wants it, he's not really being true to himself. Like saying looks don't matter, because he thinks that's how he should feel, but not because that's how he does feel. How does he expect to find the right match? He puts forth this image, this personality - this guy - that doesn't exist. He allows women to fall for that guy - and then pulls the rug out from underneath them. How does he expect them to react?
On behalf of crazy women everywhere, I think I'll make him buy dinner - and pay double my regular freelance rates.
*Yes, I realize there could be a bunch of reasons why he was online. My point is just that if he was online for the regular reason of emailing people and visiting profiles - then this is all true. Even if it isn't true in his case - people do treat others this way. He just got my wheels turning.