Friday, August 26, 2011

Taking my ex on a date

They (and by "they," I mean dating blogs, experts and other advice-givers) say that talking about an ex on a first date is a no-no. I do my best to listen to those who are more experienced, and generally better at dating, than I. But - I have to say....

...I can't seem to avoid the "ex" conversation.

I'm not sure why. I don't set out to have the conversation. I take (what I think are) the proper precautions. If I'm talking about something I did while with an ex, I change the "we" to an "I" and share my experience. I try to stick to general, getting-to-know-you topics - funny childhood stories, family, favorite foods, work, that sort of thing.

In fact - if the ex comes up, a lot of times, it's my date that brings it up. Especially if we meet online. He'll ask, "So how long have you been on the site?" or "How did you get started on the site?" at which point I might mention when I got divorced - and there we go.

Before you know it, I often find myself getting (or giving) dating advice. To a potential date.

Which would be great - if I were applying for a job, or just looking to be friends. And sometimes, I think that's how I've managed to keep some of the friends that I have.

But it's not useful when I might like another date.

It's like I'm taking my ex on the date - in which case, I think he should be stuck with the bill.


  1. I often had this problem as well...when I was actually dating. It's hard to avoid the topic, especially since every guy I go on a date with seems to ASK. Are they really curious about it, just trying to make conversation, or trying to see how we'll handle the topic? I'm not really sure...

  2. Exactly! That drives me nuts - they bring it up. What am I supposed to do, then? I don't want to lie, or be rude. I have nothing to hide. Just wouldn't bring it up that soon, myself.

    Maybe it is a test. If so - then what the...? That's too much game-playing for my taste.

  3. I agree...sometimes I feel FORCED into the games! It's like if you don't play, you just get more annoyed sometimes. No win :(