Monday, August 29, 2011

Was I just being a bitch?

I went on a first date with Gardner the other night. We met about a week ago online, chatted via email and text for a few days, and then decided to meet. He seemed very nice, and cool, and fun, and I was actually really excited about the date.

The day of - I was totally drained. I had a terrible day at work, with stress right up until I left (late). Not the best mood for a date, and I realized that going in. I didn't want to cancel, since it was so last minute.

He was on time, was wearing a collared shirt, dress pants and shoes, and he greeted me with a hug. He pulled out chairs and opened doors for me. He picked up the check, without hesitation. He walked me to my car. He didn't try to "steal" a kiss, though he did affectionately put his arm on my back on the way to the car, hug me goodbye and give me a "friendly" kiss; - more cheek than lip, so not too presumptuous.

We had a great conversation, though I have to say, he seemed way more interested in hearing about me than sharing about himself. He asked about my ex, and I was honest. When I asked about his, he was vague, and didn't really offer a lot of detail, either in what happened, or how he felt about it. I told him what I do for a living, and when I asked about his work - more vague answers. He said he's a landscaper (hence his nickname) and works for himself. But does that mean he's actually unemployed, and just does this to earn cash - or does he have a bona fide business? I don't know - because he was vague.

Should that matter? I'm not sure. I also didn't like his teeth (which is really, really bitchy of me) and I found myself preferring the longer hair in his pictures than the shorter do his sporting now. Still, I found him attractive, and I'll admit - I like how much he compliments me and seems to like me. I find it attractive that he is willing to say - even as we just met - that he wants a second date, and he really likes me. That takes guts - and that's attractive.

But I still have these red flags. He told me he just took a test to be an aide at a state run facility for developmentally disabled. But he (vaguely) mentioned that he used to work for a phone company, and for an insurance company - and the landscaping thing. So is he one of those guys who goes from job to job? I have little patience for that - I like stability, and consistency. To me, it's a sign of maturity.

I know I haven't been in the best mindset for meeting people in a while - and I'm afraid that has me looking for reasons to shut people out. Add to that the fact that I came into the date from a bad work day, and I figured I wasn't giving this guy a fair shot. He did all the things that I've said I want a date to do - without prompting. He was just a nice guy - cute, funny, nice.

That warrants a second date, right?


  1. Warrants a second date, yes, but if you're feeling red flags, keep them in mind...and see if he'll talk more about the job thing. Maybe it's similar roles in the different companies, and landscaping is just something he likes, maybe he's still searching for what he wants...but feel that out some more!

  2. Do it. Its just a date. Ask the questions you want answers to. If he is still vague, then you know. I am betting he answers because he likes you, right? He knows he has to come clean soon to keep this going. So he will. Otherwise, its just a date.

  3. I agree...a second date is definitely warranted. He doesn't deserve to be ousted yet; however, cuteellaisbold is right, you can't ignore the flags. Keep them in mind, but don't let them take over.

    Oh, and the teeth thing--I totally get it!

  4. Thanks everyone. I expect there to be a second date - there would have been tonight, but I'm home sick. We've been texting, so I'm trying to get what info I can during those conversations. We'll see. :)