Thursday, March 22, 2012

Miss independent

When I was with X, I was very - very - dependent on him. There wasn't much I would do without him. Initially, when we separated, I felt like my life was over - I honestly couldn't see how I could survive without him to support me, and help me with all the things I felt I "couldn't" do.

I had two choices - I could give up and stop living, or I could face my fears and learn to rely on myself, instead of others.

I chose the latter. 

Today, people who I've met in the last few years find it hard to believe that other Girl ever existed; those who knew me back then say I'm a totally different person. That makes me proud; not only did I survive a tough breakup - I flourished, where many might have just given up. It wasn't easy, and at times it wasn't fun - but it was worth every step.

I was afraid, though, that I might have become too independent. After the relationships I've had since X, and how badly I've been hurt, I was even more afraid that I'd forgotten how to trust. It's easy to figure that people will, eventually, leave, and to only trust myself.  

....not needed.
Thing is - that's not fair to me, or to others. How can anyone ever prove himself trustworthy if I don't give him any trust? 

Lately, I've been accepting a little more help from Trooper. I even asked for a little help, to get something done that I'm just physically not able to do. You know what? I like it. It's nice to let someone in, and rely on them to help, especially when you know he truly wants to help, and his offers are sincere and without strings. 

I think the trick is to accept that you've done the best you can do for yourself. You need to give yourself credit for having learned and grown and improved who you are, based on past experiences. Then you need to accept that not everyone is going to let you down and sometimes, it's okay to let others in. 

I think it also helps to get to a place where you know that you're accepting someone's help because he wants to help you, and you want to let him. That's very different than looking for help because you need it.

Learn to do for yourself; how to fix that light or take care of that garden or where to take your car for repair. Once you know you can take care of yourself, it won't be so scary to let someone else help - because now you know that if things ever change, and you have to go back to doing for yourself, you can.

It seems strange, but I think the only way you can ever let someone help is to get to a point where you don't need the help. Until then, you'll be too afraid to ask.

No comments:

Post a Comment