Thursday, September 26, 2013

Square peg

Continued from here...

I don't actually remember what the breaking point was. Something happened that made me feel I needed to clear the decks, so to speak, and say goodbye to the guys who were hanging on but not really going anywhere.

Once that was taken care of, I really thought it was time to take a break. I hid all my profiles, and decided I'd just sit tight until things calmed down in other areas of my life.

Then out of nowhere, guys I had dated previously started coming back. Asking me how I was doing, what was new, what had happened, could they see me, etc. Proving once again that even when I'm actually trying to do the right thing, this nonsense just happens on its own schedule.


I'd already been thinking about this one guy, wondering whether I might have leaped to a conclusion too quickly. On the one hand, he had been quick to say I was "crazy" (to paraphrase) and was not willing to meet me halfway when it came to a disagreement. On the other hand - I guess that is a pretty reasonable reaction, considering he probably felt he was being unfairly labeled a liar.

So when he reached out to me, I thought it seemed fair to give him the benefit of the doubt and at least talk to him. So I did.

Our previous dates consisted of us just hanging out at his place. When we stopped seeing each other the first time, it was because I attempted a conversation that would bring us out of that phase. Huge mistake on my part, as eloquently explained in this post from The Awl (thanks Baking Suit).

Looking back, I realize that it wasn't reasonable of me to expect more from the relationship, when I had already settled for less. Something about a cow and free milk comes to mind, but I refuse to repeat any saying in which a woman is compared to livestock. You get the idea.

So, I made a decision that if we were to start seeing each other again, it would need to be different. The first night we spoke was just via text. The second night, he called - at 11 pm on a Friday. I was awake - but when he asked if he could see me, I told him no way. We had a halfway decent conversation, and I restated that I'd like to be his date - not anything less.

Saturday around 8 or so, he texted to say he wanted to see me. I told him we could have gotten together, but that I figured he'd ask to make plans when he had time. I reminded him that I preferred to go out as opposed to just "hanging out" at his place or mine. He said, "Fine."

(Which, by the way, I pictured him saying as he stomped his feet, pouted, and folded his arms, much like my little cousin would if he was refused candy. Not really that attractive.)

Sunday, I texted him later in the evening to see how his day was....and got no response. I eventually decided to email him and ask if that meant he preferred not to speak to me anymore. Said I would respect his wishes either way, just preferred to ask and know rather than just guess (like I had the last time).

He did reach out to me via text, the next day. Then there was a missed phone call... At this point, we still haven't connected, and I have no idea what's going on, what he's thinking, or really what it is we're doing, other than talking.

Part of me thinks he really is just like the guy described in the Dear Polly post. Not really into me for a relationship, and just looking for a round hole to "slide his piece-of-shit square peg into." I suppose time will tell.

What I do know is, it feels a lot better to be 100% honest - even too honest, if that's possible - and demand the sort of treatment I know I want and I know I deserve (while giving that same treatment, obviously).

Whether he sticks around or not, I'd call this a lesson worth learning.

1 comment:

  1. I love your blog! Although I am older than you, our situations and lives sound similar as we navigate dating and relationships. One thing I'd like to say - if you're trying to change your dating behavior, ie what you will and will not accept - I certainly wouldn't give this guy the time of day. You've given him way too many chances. And who calls anyone that late at night?