Thursday, August 1, 2013

An objective opinion...continued

Continued from here...

So when he reached out to me on Skout, it was with a wink. Those are very impersonal, and on this site, can even be done at random, so you don't even pick who you're winking at - the app picks for you.

I replied to him saying I assumed he didn't intend that message for me, since if he really wanted to get in touch with me, he could just call.

(In retrospect, I know I should have just ignored him. It felt weird doing that with someone I know, and also - I wanted to know what he was thinking.)

He insisted he had meant to reach out to me, and that he hadn't called because he lost my number. Honestly - that felt like a lie. I mean, I know phone numbers can be lost sometimes - but in the middle of a conversation? There are many ways to retrieve a phone number if you really want it, which he obviously didn't. I'm OK with the fact that he wasn't all that into me way back when...but I dislike feeling lied to.

But - I wasn't going to call the guy a liar (when I can't prove it) so I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and gave him my phone number (because he asked). I truly thought he "winked" at me without recognizing me and once he realized who I was, he felt like he had to back-peddle. I figured he'd get the number, make the connection, and the whole thing would be over.

But it wasn't.

We traded voicemails for a few days, and finally connected by phone the other night. I told him how things had gone down (from my perspective). He said I sounded resentful. I said no, that was just how I saw things. I explained that the way he'd dismissed me and rushed me out made me feel disrespected, and like he wasn't all that interested. I also said I was willing to admit that maybe I was being overly sensitive - but that it seemed to me that if he was just being him, and my feelings still got hurt, then maybe my feelings and his personality are not a good fit.

I was trying to meet him halfway. I guess I expected that he would do the same. Even something as simple as an, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings," would have been great. But - nothing.

Instead, he blamed me. He said I was "buggin'" to even be thinking that way, and that I was over-thinking. He said he had given me as much quality time as he could, and he actually believed that it was a big deal he'd spent as much time with me as he had.

To be clear, I didn't raise my voice, or swear, or call him names, or even say I thought he was lying. So, I thought it was unfair to say I was acting crazy, when really all I was doing was sharing how I felt.

It occurred to me that anyone who is genuinely interested in another person would meet her halfway. He wouldn't have just abandoned a conversation, or not made an effort to get back in touch. Like I said in the first post, there were other ways he could have reached out to me.

I think his actions back then, and his reaction on the phone, say all I need to know about this guy. He thought I was jumping to conclusions and being unfair.

I'm curious as to what you think?


  1. .... Well.... I think you were within your right to express how him just dropping off the face of the earth felt. I think you were very mature to at least TRY to meet him half way and admit that you may have been a little over sensitive....

    I think his reaction was one of a man who got caught, who's actions were thrown in his face, and he wasn't mature enough to admit that he MAY have done these things...

    A spoiled man, who just honestly, rather be "Right" all the time.. and for chance he is not, takes to an attitude... and tries to hurt (name call) the other person to make them back down or take back their (right) opinion.

    Honestly, we don't know each other at all.. but, from your writing.. I don't think you want to be with a man who would use the word "buggin".... Just seems a little too ghetto for your level of intelligence and class.

  2. For the record, I never thought this guy was a good idea ;)

  3. damn. when men don't like what they hear, they jump to the c-word. no, not that one. crazy. it drives me nuts. my feelings are not crazy. i have just as much right to my feelings as you do to have none. i think he's trying to cover up something. maybe he met someone else and tried it out a while, and felt dumb when it didn't work out. so, bottom line, he's either a liar or just another egotistical delusional serial dater from okc. met plenty of them myself. if i were you i'd avoid him. he doesn't even have enough respect to acknowledge your feelings on the matter, and that's a very poor start for any kind of friendship. and what she said above - "buggin" - really? it honestly doesn't seem like he is worth that space in your brain.

  4. Thanks everyone. His attitude bothered me, but there's there's this tiny voice in my head that always wants to believe the bad stuff a guy says. I'll tell it to shut up in this case.

    As for "buggin'" - his exact word, and yeah, it's a little juvenile. Not really his style. I was actually surprised he used that word.

    He's done. I've moved on to the next disaster. ;)