Monday, June 11, 2012

How *not* to behave

First, I'd like to clarify that Engineer knows I'm writing this, and I got his permission first.

I went out with Engineer a couple weeks ago, to the place where he originally met the woman I now affectionately call Twin Flame Girl (or TFG). He told me she would be joining our group, and I couldn't resist because...well, I'm not dating, and I need dating disaster stories from somewhere.

We met for karaoke at a local hole-in-the-wall type place, with decent food, a nearly-friendly bar staff, and okay acoustics. TFG joined us a little late, immediately found a seat next to Engineer, and started searching for a duet. Awwww....

We had a group of six. This is the kind of place where everyone knows everyone. So, while Engineer was paying TFG attention, he was also interacting with other people. At one point, he sat down next to me, looking at the song sheets, trying to coax me into singing. He chose a song and she said, "Oh, I knew you were going to pick that one!"

You know - because they're Twin Flames and all, so they're in synch. Right. 

A little while later, TFG left the bar. No goodbye, no explanation, no nothing. I didn't notice right away, because I was tweeting. When I realized what the three guys were talking about, I asked, "Did she leave?" Engineer wasn't sure, and said he was going to text her to find out.

I thought about trying to stop him, because right then it occurred to me what she was probably doing, and him texting was exactly what she wanted. But either I didn't think or act fast enough, or maybe I just didn't want to get in the middle. Either way, he sent her a text, and she responded by saying she'd left because "he didn't seem to want her there."

I told him that's a classic passive-aggressive manipulation. I shook my head and said that was ridiculous, and he deserves better. Now - just so we're all clear and before anyone jumps down my throat - I'm not judging her. I'm sure she's a very nice woman, and she is attractive enough, and seems friendly and smart.

My observation of "passive-aggressive manipulation" is just that - an observation made from experience. I've behaved this way before, so I know. Of course - I was 13 at the time. But whatever.

"You realize she's probably out in the parking lot," I said. And, in fact, she was. She stepped back into the bar, and came back to our table to talk to someone else, while Engineer performed "Creep" by Radiohead.

I found that funny, in an ironic sort of way. It got even funnier when he got to the line in the song that goes...
She's running out the door
She's running
She run, run, run
....And even funnier when the whole bar started singing the lyrics right along with him.

She's running out the door.

I could not stop laughing. Engineer's friend was trying to get me to shut up by gesturing that TFG was standing behind me. He doesn't know me well enough to know I just don't care. [I mean that in the nicest way possible, of course.]

As if this train wreck wasn't already perfectly timed, what do you think happened next? Well, while TFG is talking to Engineer's friend about (whatever I couldn't hear, but presumably Engineer-related) - the two of them were called to sing their duet.

They performed their song [Cruisin' by Smokey Robinson - I think], with her making sure to use his mic instead of her own so they'd have to stand close, and whispering in his ear just before the song started. She managed to turn it into a big production - which I also thought was a way of manipulating the situation. They came back to our table, and she sat down as if all was good.

I excused myself - saying goodbye to everyone at the table - and headed home. While I like a good bit of (someone else's) drama, I'd actually reached my limit.

Here's the thing.... Engineer admits he likes the attention, and I think he probably also legitimately likes this girl. Like I said, she is pretty, and seems nice enough. I get it. If you ask me, all three guys from our group probably like her a little bit. So obviously, she appeals to guys on some level with which I'm just not in touch. That's cool.

But in my opinion (which I've shared with Engineer) - he deserves way better than a passive-aggressive, manipulative, immature woman. I just have my doubts that someone who behaves this way knows herself well at all, or is in a position to have a healthy, constructive, long-term relationship.

I also worry if things don't work out, how she'll react if Engineer ends things. Can you imagine?

P.S. - Should I, at any point, start behaving this way, you all have my permission to call me out on it, then ground me.


  1. I love Twin Flame Girl stories.

  2. I don't think my description even does the night justice. It was just one ill-timed bit of funny after another.

    That said, I'm hoping it gets better. For everyone's sake.

  3. These are amusing tales.

    I would have been laughing my butt off with you!!!

  4. If you are correct, that all the guys liked her, then I suspect she'll be okay (and not a stalker, if that's where you were going) if Engineer dumps her. What would you say if Engineer was having fun with this and wasn't serious about a long-term relationship with TFG at this point? Would that change your perspective a little? Just thoughts from left of centre. Cheers.

    1. Any 30ish woman who behaves like a 13ish girl isn't capable of any type of adult relationship - not even the casual sort. She's already made it clear that her feelings for Engineer are not casual. She's also already displayed some stalker-ish behavior.

      At best, Engineer risks leading her on and breaking her heart. At worst, he'll have to move and change his name.

  5. Well, maybe that works for them? The flirting, touching, silly, non-committal conversation and affair? Fair enough though.