30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 3

Today's blogging challenge: Describe a moment or day when being single was really awesome.

This was pretty easy.

I actually find something awesome about my single life pretty much every day. I mean, I just devoted a whole week worth of posts to why being single is great.

But the first moment I can remember coming to this conclusion, believe it or not, was at the first family party I went to after my separation. You'd think that would be a tough one, right? It was the first time (as an adult) I'd ever gone to a family function without a date.

I do remember being nervous. I knew everyone there would be coupled off, and I felt silly and foolish and (again) like a failure. But I'd promised my family, so off I went.

First, I realized something pretty cool... There was no argument on the way. I didn't have to fight with anyone because he was late (or because I was). I didn't have to worry that my date was angry about having to miss a game, or hang out with my family. My ride to the party was peaceful and calm, and I arrived with no stress at all.

I quickly realized the whole couple thing didn't matter, either. The women were mostly gathered to one side, the men to the other. No one cared that I didn't have a husband or boyfriend with me. In fact, they were actually more interested in hearing about my dating adventures than they were talking about their own relationships.

A little later on, I started noticing tense looks between the couples. Looks that I knew meant there would be an argument on the ride home, or before falling asleep. I realized that, also for the first time as an adult, I wouldn't have to worry about that argument.

My ride home was as peaceful as my ride out - and I remember I slept like a baby that night.

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 2

Today's blogging challenge: Describe a moment or day when being single really sucked.

The toughest part about this is choosing just one. I managed to narrow it down to two moments. Neither is what you might expect.

Not long after my separation, I remember having to fill out a new patient form at a doctors office. I was humming along, answering all the questions the same way I had answered for years. Until...

Emergency Contact Information

Ugh. I panicked. I had never not had an answer to that question. I was engaged for three years and married for ten. For as long as I could remember, I'd entered X's name and phone number.

I suddenly realized there was no one for me to put down. I live alone, and I can't expect anyone to show up at a doctor's office just because I have an emergency. Sure, I have friends and family, but they all have lives and responsibilities. This was the first moment I realized that, as a single person, for the first time in my life, no one is responsible for me.

It was probably the most profound moment I ever had in terms of realizing how my post-divorce life would never be the same. So naturally it took place within, like, 20 seconds in front of a dozen strangers in a waiting room.

I entered my father's name, address, phone number, and relationship as 'parent' and moved on to the next question.

The second worst moment of my single life (so far) was right around my 35th birthday. It was the first birthday I spent alone. I felt old, and like I was a failure. Divorced and single was not how I envisioned my life would be at 35.

I had gone on a date with a guy months before. One date, and we'd drifted apart. At one point, we IMed and he confided that he'd met someone else, and it seemed she was pregnant, and he'd been dealing with all of that. I'd wished him well, and moved on.

This night, right around my birthday, he sent me an email. The subject line read: Great News! When I opened the message, it said: The kid's not mine. Call me sometime? ;)

I'm not even kidding.

I deleted the email and laid down on my bed and cried. I had never in my life encountered such a mess, and I couldn't believe this was my life, at 35, dealing with this kind of nonsense. It was such an overwhelming sense of failure and no hope.

In the morning I woke up, chuckled, and had a great day.

The take away from both of these stories? Being single is going to suck sometimes. So is being married (trust me, I know). But the part that sucks is never, ever permanent, and it's never as bad as it seems at that moment.

When life throws you an unexpected hurdle, and it feels like the worst thing ever, you should feel encouraged. It means things are about to start looking even better than you ever imagined.

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 1

Today's Blogging Challenge: Your response to everyone's favorite question, "And why are YOU still single?"

I freaking hate this question. 

Unfortunately, I get the question in two contexts. I occasionally get it from new acquaintances. Apparently, I meet a lot of people who either lack filters, or were raised by wolves.

I also get this question from men on dating sites, who (I think) think it's a compliment.

My response is the same for every situation: I'm single because I choose to be.

Let me clarify...

I do not necessarily want to be single. I'd like to be in a relationship. Or at least find someone with whom I could go on more than one date.

Still, I maintain I am single by choice because I could be in a relationship. I'm sure if I wanted, I could have finagled a relationship out of one of the guys I've dated in the last year who were interested.

But through all my ups and downs, confusion, and missteps, I know I haven't found the right guy. I have (for better or worse) avoided actually getting into a relationship with anyone.

So I remain single.

By choice.

Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge

I have been a little worried about how I'd fill this space, being that I'm on a little break from dating. Then I stumbled across this post from The Single Woman about a 30 day blogging challenge. Perfect! I'm a couple days late to the party, but let's get it started anyway.

For the next 30 days, I'll chat about...

1)  Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

2)  Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

3)  Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

4)  Your biggest fear as a single person.

5)  The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

6)  Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

7)  Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

8)  Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

9)  Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do (For example, I sometimes dance around the house with my cat to Frank Sinatra)

10)  Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

11)  Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

12)  Your proudest accomplishment

13)  Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

14)  Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful

15)  Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

16)  If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?

17)  What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

18)  If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?

19)  What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

20)  Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it.

21)  How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

22)  What fictional character in a movie, tv show, or book do you identify with and why?

23)  Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!).

24)  If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

25)  Describe a moment when you “paid it forward.” What happened and how did it feel?

26)  Name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why

27)  Talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.

28)  Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career, Love, etc.

29)  Who is your closest or most special friend that you've never met and what do they mean to you? How did you cross paths? Talk about how you “met” them: Facebook, Twitter, an online support group, etc.

30)  Write a letter to your future mate saying whatever you want to say.

I've barely read these. I figured if I looked too closely, I'd wimp out. So - we'll see how this goes.

Just breathe

I'm having a little trouble not obsessing, not worrying, and not planning. Those are the things at which I'm best, so it's tough to just throw a switch and turn them off.

I've said before, I'm so invested in my future, it's hard to be patient, waiting for things to just happen. I want to make them happen; fast forward to the end so I know how it all turns out.

What can I say? I'm impatient and nosy. Traits I get from my grandmother.

I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens. In the meantime, if anyone has good ideas for a distraction, I'm open to suggestions. Just please don't tell me to "work on myself." That goes without saying.

Double the fun

More than once in my recent dating history, men have blown me off - or removed themselves from the dating circuit - not long after a good date. I later confirmed that in at least one situation, the guy had met another woman. I suspect the same was true with others as well.

That's just a hazard of dating. Actually, it's a hazard of life. I mean, married people occasionally meet someone new...it's one of the reasons divorce attorneys are so successful. Few things in life are certain, and timing is everything.

I don't object to guys meeting new people, or even going on dates with others. If we've just met, there's really nothing to get upset about.

What I take exception to is these guys making a big deal about not dating multiple people - only to ditch me for someone else. What's worse is coming back to me after ditching me, like nothing happened!

Newsflash: You are dating multiple people. You're just not very good at it.

These guys are bent on only dating one woman, but of course after one date they're not ready to commit to one person. So rather than just go out on a few dates before choosing, they make plans, blow people off, ignore texts, cancel dates, and then come back.

I wonder if they think this means they are "one woman men" or that it's the respectful way to date, because they are only talking to one woman at a time? Or do they know that it's rude, and does nothing but prove that they are easily distracted, not really interested, and will happily vanish rather than be honest?

At least, when I think about it, it's good for me that they're someone else's problem.

A guy thing or a cootie thing?

Why don't men save phone numbers?!

These guys keep coming back into my life (this guy made a guest appearance last week, along with another guy who recently also told me he "really liked me" after date one, scheduled date two, then disappeared.)

They say they lost my number, which I find really, really unlikely. I think it's more like they delete my

Found it here - ironic

number. Or, even more likely, they never saved the number in the first place, and once they delete the text conversation, I'm gone.

I started wondering, is this a guy thing? Or a cootie thing?

So, I polled a few of the guys I know (and trust) and they all told me that when they meet (or met, in the case of Engineer who's engaged) a new woman, they do save her phone number.

I'm not sure that any of them go to the obsessive lengths that I do, to make sure their contact information is complete. I even screenshot a picture so that I can include it in the contact entry (this has more to do with helping me remember who's who than anything else).

But if the guys I'm meeting don't even go to the trouble to save my first name and ten lousy digits?

I need a new dating pool. This one is filled with cooties.