I'm sitting in my car, minding my business, checking Facebook and avoiding the gym, when my phone dings at me. It's the shut-down guy, asking me how I am. Then he says to me, "Sorry about what I said to you. Spoke too soon!" [I fixed his grammar.]
I responded by saying I was a little confused, that I had the impression he wasn't interested. Then he asked if he could call.
Are you ready for this?
"No," he said, "I never told you I wasn't interested. I said I was out of the dating cycle. Things actually picked up with someone I met before you, and I thought I was just going to date her - but then I found out she had some mental issues."
It's worth noting that he felt this explained everything, and he thought it was perfectly rational, normal dating behavior. Maybe he's right. You tell me. I thought he was crazy.
To be clear, the guy did nothing wrong. We went on one date after talking for, like, two days. He owed me exactly nothing, including an explanation as to what had happened.
I expect that people are still dating others when we first meet. I'm usually dating others, too. I feel like when you first meet people, that should be fine. As you get to know each other and things progress, I feel like it's natural to phase others out. Then you're ready to have the discussion about being exclusive.
I guess it seems strange to me that he would be that close to getting serious with one person, yet still meeting people for first dates. I mean - it happened in the span of a day.
But I suppose that turning point has to happen some time...and we could have just had really weird timing.
The more I thought about it, the one thing this guy did do "wrong" (if you want to call it that) was telling me he didn't want to date when he obviously didn't know this other woman all that well. What he should have done was keep talking to me, but put off seeing me, while he kept seeing the other person. That way, when he reached the (apparently) inevitable conclusion that the two of them were not a good match, he can just slide right into the opportunity he left waiting in the wings.
That's what a player would do. I think this guy wants to be a player, and he just made a very amateur mistake. I'm sure he'll learn.