Thursday, August 29, 2013

Amateur player

This update on the guy who shut me down is even better than yesterday's update on the guy who blew me off...

I'm sitting in my car, minding my business, checking Facebook and avoiding the gym, when my phone dings at me. It's the shut-down guy, asking me how I am. Then he says to me, "Sorry about what I said to you. Spoke too soon!" [I fixed his grammar.]

I responded by saying I was a little confused, that I had the impression he wasn't interested. Then he asked if he could call. 

Are you ready for this? 

"No," he said, "I never told you I wasn't interested. I said I was out of the dating cycle. Things actually picked up with someone I met before you, and I thought I was just going to date her - but then I found out she had some mental issues."


It's worth noting that he felt this explained everything, and he thought it was perfectly rational, normal dating behavior. Maybe he's right. You tell me. I thought he was crazy

To be clear, the guy did nothing wrong. We went on one date after talking for, like, two days. He owed me exactly nothing, including an explanation as to what had happened. 

I expect that people are still dating others when we first meet. I'm usually dating others, too. I feel like when you first meet people, that should be fine. As you get to know each other and things progress, I feel like it's natural to phase others out. Then you're ready to have the discussion about being exclusive.  
I guess it seems strange to me that he would be that close to getting serious with one person, yet still meeting people for first dates. I mean - it happened in the span of a day. 

But I suppose that turning point has to happen some time...and we could have just had really weird timing. 

The more I thought about it, the one thing this guy did do "wrong" (if you want to call it that) was telling me he didn't want to date when he obviously didn't know this other woman all that well. What he should have done was keep talking to me, but put off seeing me, while he kept seeing the other person. That way, when he reached the (apparently) inevitable conclusion that the two of them were not a good match, he can just slide right into the opportunity he left waiting in the wings. 

That's what a player would do. I think this guy wants to be a player, and he just made a very amateur mistake. I'm sure he'll learn.


  1. We're all wired to date differently. I could see how his explanaiton makes sense to him.

    - He met someone, then met you.
    - He doesn't want to see more than one person at time (My assumption. Not everyone is capable of seeing more than one person at a time, it's confusing or feels wrong. I don't know, I often saw more than one person at a time.)
    - He didn't handle you well, granted, but see above.
    - He found out she's crazy.
    - He's now gun shy about new women and needs to regroup.

    I actually get it.

    1. Fair enough.

      I'm not the right audience for that, though. I was offended and irritated. I feel like, once you shut someone down, you don't go back. I've done that, and regretted my choice later on. I didn't call the guy, though.

      Sometimes you just have to live with your choices (I feel).

  2. I call bullshit on his part - he could have met her before or after you, who knows - but he decided he liked her better. Something went awry and he decided to see if YOU were still available. Player, maybe not a good one but still a player.

  3. I agree with your response above.
    I feel like if i'm going to invite someone into my life, i want to be their first choice. The fact that he chose to see where things go with a crazy chick instead of seeing where things go with you would piss me off too. And that he expected for you to be open to still seeing him. Eh. I'm not impressed with his player skills at all. Next.

  4. Haha - CAK and Supergirl, that is exactly my point. I'm not put off by him meeting me and another woman at the same time, going out with us both, and then making a choice. But I wasn't the I feel like he needs to live with that decision.

    And yeah, he played it wrong. I actually give him credit for coming clean, but the truth is, if this is how he handles that kind of situation, we're probably not a good match anyway.