Wednesday, December 22, 2010

What's the point?

A couple of months ago I met this guy (we'll call him Curly) online. We had some pretty steady email conversations going for a while - then, nothing. I started focusing elsewhere, and just assumed he'd done the same.

Fast forward two months. Last week, I get an email from him that says, " Sorry I've been out of touch. Guess I was working too much." For two months? I happen to know he's been online - the website is designed to show you who is online, and who isn't. I also know that during that time, he created a profile at a different dating site, where he had also been online.

My immediate reaction was that it was a lie; that he'd met someone and had been working on that relationship, which failed, and he was using me as a backup. To be sure I wasn't being too cynical, I asked my tweeps what they thought. I got several responses (thank you to Cassie, Cute~Ella, Kriskaten and Grumble) all in agreement that my instincts were probably right.

Oddly enough, something similar happened to me last year (pre-Big). I'd been chatting with this guy for a while - then, he disappeared. I assumed he met someone, and got on with life. Fast forward to last month, and I stumbled on his profile, so I sent him an email. He replied saying he'd missed me, that he didn't know what he'd been thinking or why he'd lost touch with me, and he asked if I'd like to get to know him again. He even remembered where he "owed" me a dinner.

So, I emailed him my personal contact info. And I haven't heard from him since.

Of course someone more interesting can always come along. It's one of the pitfalls of online dating - it's so easy to meet bunches of people and it often happens all at the same time. Naturally, a person only has so much time, and you have to make choices; we've all done it.

But to blow someone off and then try to use a lame-o lie excuse to get back in? Wrong.

The enthusiastic "I've missed you so much" also boggles my mind. If you don't feel that way, couldn't you just say so? Or ignore the email? Why the pretense?

What's the point?

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