"So this is working out, then?" She asked.
Um...no, I hadn't said that; I wasn't even thinking it, actually. Which got me wondering if something might be wrong with me? I even said to her, "Maybe I'm broken?"
Yeah, I know - she had no idea what I meant, either. Let me explain (or make a solid attempt, anyway).
When you give all of yourself over to someone, the way I did with Big, and then it doesn't work, it really is like a part of you is left behind. Like a small part of what you invested in the relationship never bounces back.
I guess I'm wondering if that small part of me that I left behind in my relationship with Big was the part of me that falls in love? I've met some nice, decent men who are sweet and kind and treat me with nothing but respect. They are funny and honest and just plain nice to me - and yet, I'm not interested.
It's not the bad-boy thing, either. Them I won't even give the time of day.
I want butterflies; I deserve butterflies. But what if I don't know how to feel them anymore?
Anyone else ever feel that way? Or is this one of those, "Nope - just you," things?
You'll have the butterflies again, I'm sure of it. Gotta hold out for them to come your way. I am. Patience, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're broken, I think that's just one piece that's still wrapped up tight. It'll unwrap slowly when you're ready.
ReplyDeleteI used to think I was broken too, but it turns out it just had to be unwrapped, cleaned up and polished.
You're both so smart. I'm sure you're right.
ReplyDeleteI only worry sometimes. The rest of the time, I'm pretty happy. But if I meet a guy who seems really nice, cool and sweet, and I find myself thinking, "but he's just..." I worry that I'm just shutting people out.
I'm sure you're right. The right guy just hasn't come along yet.
I feel the same way...and I realize that once people are hurt, many of them tend to shut down and be extremely cautious about getting involved and giving themselves to someone else in a respect.
ReplyDeleteBut you're right--you DESERVE butterflies! If a guy isn't giving you butterflies, he's simply not the right one.
I don't believe there is just one right person for another, but I do believe there are right oneS, and those guys should definitely give you butterflies :)