Friday, January 18, 2013

How a player becomes a player

Not too long ago, I met this guy. He came across as a player. I know he was dating other women when we first started seeing each other - I do not know how long that lasted. I honestly don't really know his deal, other than he won't commit to dating me. We still talk, but it's really way too casual for my liking. There are other problems that keep it from getting more serious - but that's another story.

I guess I've always assumed that guys who are very good looking will date more than one woman because they can. I guess I just pegged certain guys as players, and if they are, that must mean they are not good guys.

I guess I figured that jerks are just jerks, the same way nice guys are just nice.

After talking with this guy, though, I'm starting to wonder if maybe that's not the case. 

He has a lot of issues. I won't go in to details here, but it's stuff that might make him...undatable to some. He wasn't immediately upfront about his problems. His explanation was that women have walked away from him before, and he was afraid I would walk away, too. 

I realize that could easily be a line - but it got me thinking. 

It's easy for a woman to become jaded if she hears one-too-many lies. Lies can turn an open, soft, friendly, trusting, romantic person into a cynical pessimist who dates for sport. It happens. After all, the main reason women are crazy is because men are stupid.

But if cynical, jaded, manipulative women are quick to say that lying, cheating men made them - are "players" made the same way?

If enough women play games with a guy's feelings, or walk away because he's not perfect, will that turn a genuine, normal, honest guy into someone who can't even remember the truth, let alone share it with someone else? 

If that's the case - are the players turning the women into cynics, or are the cynical women turning men into players? 

Now I remember why I hated philosophy in college.

1 comment:

  1. I can speak from personal experience when I say that having to play the game and being played with turned me into a player. Sort of, "If thats how they want it to be, I can do that too."

    It took quite a bit to undo that.