Friday, January 4, 2013

Law of attraction

On New Year's Day, X and I met up at a wake. [Great way to start the new year, right? Hopefully my family won't be making this a tradition.]

Neither of us were particularly close to the deceased. We know his family...kinda. So, we sat together, and since it was a wake, naturally we discussed sushi, his girlfriend, and upcoming vacations. Eventually, we got around to discussing my dating life, because why not?

"Billy asked me to stop 'pushing'," I said. "So I have. Now he won't go away."

"You know what that is, right? The law of attraction. People always want what they can't have."

I suppose that's true. I know that "playing hard to get" works for that reason - especially if you're dealing with the sort of guy who likes to do the chasing.

The thing is....I'm not playing hard to get. I stopped pushing because Billy hurt my feelings, and I decided I don't want to be around someone who hurts my feelings.

It's not just him, either. The holidays, apparently, make people just fall out of the black hole. Between Christmas and New Years, I was contacted by at least five different men, all of whom had - in one way or another - blown me off in recent months. Now, suddenly, it seems I'm all sorts of attractive.


It's the holidays, I guess. These guys didn't reject me before because I was a bad option - I just wasn't what they wanted at the time. Christmas and New Years bring out the desperation romance in people. I'm sure they all went looking in their little black book contact list, saw me, and thought, "Hey, she wasn't too bad!"

Awwww...just what every girl dreams of - being "not too bad." I feel all warm and fuzzy.

Is that another "law of attraction?" I know the holidays obviously trigger something that makes people want to reach out and connect. People, especially single adults with little family connection, feel lonely during that time of year. The urge to fill that void, and avoid the loneliness, makes all the sense in the world.

The law of attraction also states that "like attracts like." The example given is opening an envelope; if you expect to see a bill - you'll see a bill. It's the power of positive thinking - you have to attract what you want.

If that's the case, then when we chase what we can't have, aren't we sending the universe a message that we're OK to settle? That we're willing to be with someone who doesn't really want us, just to be with someone? Wouldn't the law of attraction work that way, too?

I suppose in a way, the law of attraction is just another dating game. Sometimes - games make sense. If you just want a date, or a fling, or attention, playing games is the quickest way. But if I'm putting games out there...wouldn't it follow that I'll get games back in return?

If I'm looking for something honest and true and good - I'm not sure that will work. I don't want attention because I'm "not that bad." I don't want a fling to get me through the holidays, and I don't want just a date to keep me company until he's not lonely anymore.

So I think by saying "OK" to any of that - I'm undermining my own goals.

These are all great guys. I'd have been happy if something had worked with any of them. But for whatever reason, they walked away before.

I want someone who will find me - and not want to let me go. Someone who realizes how lucky he is that I am in his life. Someone who adds to my happy.

My new law of attraction? If you can't give me that, you don't get to stay.


  1. I like the motto too! Very well said!

  2. This is an awesome new law of attraction! Why should somebody be in your life if they don't appreciate you in the first place, this is a law I should adopt too.

    Nikki x