Monday, January 14, 2013

Preemptive blow off game

So I met this guy. We started talking on Friday. He met on Saturday...and before that date was even over, he invited me out for Sunday. We had dinner that Tuesday, followed by two more dates later in the week.

I heard from him every single day up until the following Monday. Nothing - until 9:30 pm, when I got a text that said,
"Just saying hi. Going to bed early. How was your day?"
Between you and me (and the internet) I know he was online ( earlier that evening. It wouldn't have bothered me except for this...

He has very limited time, which I tried to be respectful of and not bother him during the week. I wasn't looking for us to be exclusive or anything. I guess I just hoped that after five dates, he would put me a little higher on the priority list when he did have free time.

I replied to his text, and got no response from him. I'll be honest - my warning signals were sounding off. It felt like a preemptive blow off - like he was about to be busy for a while, didn't want to ignore texts from me, but also didn't want to have to check his phone.

Like he was about to go on a date (which he normally does later at night due to his schedule).

I didn't hear from him that Tuesday. I assumed his date had gone well, and that I would not hear from him again. I did not contact him because there really seemed to be no point.

On Wednesday, he sent a text asking how I was doing. "Fine, thanks," I told him. He asked if I was mad.

I responded honestly, telling him I felt as though he was blowing me off earlier in the week, and that since I hadn't really talked to him, I thought he'd probably lost interest or met someone else. I told him I was not mad (which was true). I never mentioned seeing him online because I knew there was no point.

He told me he was not blowing me off, and had not met anyone else. I have not heard from him since.

It's honestly cool, and I won't bother him, or even try to figure it out. I had doubts of my own, and I suspect he did, too.

Several friends asked how I could be so sure that he was blowing me off or going on other dates. One reason:

Because I've played that game.

I've been on many dates where, before settling down for some one-on-one time, I had to send one (or more) text messages to other guys, "excusing" myself for the rest of the evening. "Dinner with the girls, no-phones rule in effect" is my go-to reason. "Have a good night!" Depending on the relationship, maybe I tack on a smilely face or a couple of xes and os.

Listen - I know dating is a big game. I don't like it - but I know. No matter how much we say we're tired of the games, call ourselves straight-shooters, profess to be done playing, etc. - at one time or another, we're all guilty of something.

The trick is to never play games with someone who plays better.


  1. That was one of the things about dating I hated. I often hated that I was so good at playing a game I despised...and didn't like others for playing. I think that's one of the reasons I often wouldn't give guys a chance, so I didn't have to play.

    1. I hate playing games. Hate being good at it, hate when I miss something I should have seen. Resent being put in the position of having to play in the first place.

      I am to the point where, in order for me to play, a guy needs to be pretty special. I could've played in this case - but he didn't seem worth the effort.