Friday, June 14, 2013

Bad date gone worse

I have "met" a bunch of guys recently. By met, I mean exchanged messages and/or texts. Mostly it hasn't gone any further.

Last weekend, though, I was invited out on two casual "first meetings." I honestly wasn't looking forward to either, but they both seemed like nice guys, so I figured it couldn't hurt. . It was a nice day to be out and about, and meeting new people is usually interesting, if not always fun.

Found it here
Date #1 arrived at the coffee shop right on time. He walked in, said hi, and then immediately excused himself to put his suit coat back in his car, because I was dressed casually. It was a Sunday afternoon, and I'd just come from an afternoon of volunteering in the park (which he knew). I was casual, but certainly not messy.

I found that to be a little awkward...but I moved on.

He started asking me about my previous relationships. I can't say enough how much I hate when people do this. Yes, if we're dating, previous relationships should come up. But shouldn't you want to know me before you get to know them?!

To make matters even more uncomfortable, he asked what had gone wrong in my long-term relationships since my divorce. I said that both men (Big and Trooper) had just come to the realization that I wasn't the one they wanted to be with long-term, so they ended things.

It's the simple, easy answer. It also happens to be true. So you'd think that would satisfy a person's curiosity.

You'd be wrong, though.

He's a counselor - so he switched into counselor-mode and asked if I'd ever spent any time thinking about what might have happened? More importantly, had I tried to figure out what was wrong with me that had made them change their minds?

I looked up from my salad (which I was now plowing through in an effort to bring this date meeting disaster to a screeching hault) and said, "No, I just figured they were both jackasses." Perhaps an over-simplification, but it seemed like the quickest answer.

I'm not a counselor, and I don't claim to be a dating expert (if there is any such thing). Still, it seems to me that it is bad etiquette (and a bad idea) to suggest to someone you want to date that previous relationship failures were her fault.

He switched gears at that point, and said it seemed like I have all the qualities he's looking for. I reminded him that we'd only just met, and asked how could he possibly already know that he's interested? He responded by explaining that if he wasn't interested, he would have known right when he saw me, and turned around and walked out of the coffee shop. He would have pretended he was someone else, didn't recognize me, and just left me sitting there.

I think - I think - I was supposed to feel flattered that he found me attractive enough to come in and sit down. I think.

I wasn't flattered. I also didn't have a response.

When he walked me to my car, I told him it was very nice to have met him, but that I didn't feel there was a connection (he asked). I also thanked him for lunch.


  1. Wow that was worse than you indicated! What a jackamo

  2. jackamo is a new term to me... but, I agree.