Monday, July 22, 2013

Are you a drinker?

On, like, every dating site, users are asked if they drink. The response is usually a drop-down menu, with choices like: Never, Socially, Moderately, and Often.

I don't drink - ever. I can count on one hand the number of times I've had alcohol, and all were 20+ years ago. I've never been drunk. I don't ever plan to change.

So when I answer "never" I am being completely honest. I wish other people would do the same (be honest, I mean - I don't care if they drink).

I would say about 90% of the profiles I see say the person is a social drinker. But what does that mean,
Found it here

I say a social drinker is someone who has a drink when he goes out. He's at a bar or dinner with others, and enjoys a drink - or maybe even a few. I'd even agree that a person could over-indulge once in a while, and still be a social drinker.

As long as it's done socially (as in, while in the company of others) and responsibly (as in, there's a sober designated driver or other plan in place).

I'd say someone who has a liquor inventory on hand and is constantly restocking is more than a social drinker. I'd say someone who drinks every night - even when he's alone - is more than a social drinker. I'd say someone who drinks and then drives to work is way more than a social drinker.

Yet few people will admit to being more than a social drinker - even though choices like 'often' or 'moderately' are available.


I get a variety of reactions when I tell people I don't drink. Some are appalled. Some don't actually believe me. Some get excited at the prospect of a built-in designated driver (which, by the way, is the reaction I find most annoying).

Others feel the need to excuse their own habits. "Yeah, I hardly ever drink," said one. Then he drank three beers at dinner that night, and two on our next date. I'm sure he was in control. I'm also sure, based on his size and the timing, that he would have been legally drunk if pulled over.

It seems like there's a perceived stigma about people who like to drink. I think people are hesitant to admit to drinking more often out of worry they will be pre-judged.

I've been told that I shouldn't say "never" on my profile. That it makes me sound dull, and probably scares people away; that they might figure it'd be a problem for me if they wanted to drink.

I disagree. As surprised as most men are when I don't order a drink, there's no way they're actually reading that part of my profile. Not to mention, if my drinking habits matter that much, we're probably not a good match, anyway.

Lying or pretending, on the profile or in person, accomplishes nothing - something I wish more people would learn.


  1. I have an inventory of alcohol..
    I don't restock it often.. actually maybe once a year... and that's mostly wine...
    But, I overall only have maybe 1 -2 glasses of wine.. a month... if that?

    I don't consider myself a social drinker... and I wouldn't consider myself a moderate drinker.

    Then why have so much hooch in the house?

    Growing up in an Italian Household, we also had wine and liquor for parties.. or for cooking.
    It just kind of stuck.

    With that being said, I think that, even though a drop down menu is useful for this question, that it doesn't really help do much in the long run. I think you can ascertain a person's "drinking persona" by interacting with them. Beacause.. well.. not that people LIE... but, they may have a different perception than you do.. as to what these definitions are.

    1. I think you're right, the drop-down thing is all about personal perception. I'm more surprised by people who say they hardly ever drink....and then I observe them having multiple drinks every single day.

      I know a lot of people have wine and/or liquor on-hand. I don't even drink and I almost always have wine in my house. I'm talking about people with a fully stocked bar who are re-stocking once a week (or more).