Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Why are you alone?

"So why no man in your life?"

This from a guy who waited a whole 6 messages before asking this incredibly personal, and difficult to answer, question.

He's not the first to ask. Sometimes it's phrased as, "How are you single?!" or "Why is someone like you online?"

I think sometimes the question is meant as a compliment. Like, "how has no one seen how wonderful you are?"
Found it here

That brings us back to a pet-peeve I've mentioned earlier - the idea that when it comes to relationships, all you're looking for is someone who likes you. As if who you like isn't important at all. But that's a different post.

But it also brings us to a misconception about online dating - that everyone there is desperate, and unable to meet people elsewhere. Listen, I'm the first to admit I'm no beauty queen. But I'm not a bad catch, either. I have plenty of absolutely gorgeous friends who have used online dating to meet people - and I've met attractive, sweet, successful, honest men online too (though I have yet to meet one guy who has all of those qualities). 

Not to mention, the question also suggests that just because someone has a profile, that means she has no one in her life. That's a bad assumption - and you know what they say about people who ass-u-me.

Maybe I am dating - just not seriously. Or maybe I just met someone. I might be a player... Or maybe three other guys used that same line earlier in the day, and I'm suddenly quite busy.

My point is, me being online doesn't make me lonely, or alone - any more than us talking online makes us together. Don't go into a conversation with someone having already made assumptions and set expectations.

That rarely works out well for anyone.

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