At the beginning of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge (which, thanks to a crazy work schedule and technology issues, actually took me about 41 days) I fully intended to take a break from dating. I'd been on a few too many bad dates, and just thought it might be time for a little breather.
That, naturally, didn't work out quite like I expected. About 2-3 weeks into my "break," I met a couple of guys who are nothing like the guys I've been dating over the last year and a half. While neither of those developed past one meeting, they did help me gain a little insight into a pattern I think I need to break.
I've been dating too many guys.
I let my standards go. My walls were down, and so was the criteria I usually use to weed out those who aren't a good fit.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not suggesting I'm better than anyone else. But, if a guy is at a different stage in his life than I am in mine, we're a bad match. I used to identify this right away - and recently, I've been ignoring the signs.
For example - emotionally unavailable guys. Dating these guys serves no useful purpose - except when I wasn't looking for a relationship. But for the most part, that's temporary for me - which means these guys are just a way to pass the time. In the end, that is pointless, and just ends up making me feel bad about myself.
The flip side is guys who are eager to jump into a relationship. Whether it's because of their situation, or a recent breakup. or they just don't like to be alone - they were just in a hurry. I knew the rush would make them more of a "sure thing" and I would tend to latch onto them, even if I wasn't sure of them.
I finally had to admit to myself that I've been ignoring my standards. Yes, it's great to be open-minded when dating, and not stick to a "type" too much. But it's also OK - good, even - to have standards. It shows you value yourself, and know what you want and what you deserve.
I let guys in who I normally wouldn't because I was just so eager to meet someone. The result was I let people in who were also eager...and before I knew what was happening, I was being dragged into situations where I did not want to be.
Raising my standards means there are fewer prospects. I'm no longer meeting as many new people.
I'm hoping to replace quantity with quality.