Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Raising standards

While I do want to raise my standards for choosing dates, I also want to examine how critical I am. I don't want to take crap, but I also don't want to leap to conclusions, or let my baggage get in my way.

Sure, I have met my fair share of jerks. But there's no reason that needs to cloud how I see all men. Would I like it to help me become a better judge of character? Yes. Help me to see warning signs, ask better questions, and look out for myself a little more? Definitely.

But a conversation with this guy made me wonder if I might be applying my bad experiences to all men, and judging them unfairly - which I do not want.

Despite my many jokes about cooties, I truly don't think all men are bad. I personally know several very good men - they're just not good for me. I also know many women who have found wonderful men, who treat them with love, and respect, and kindness.

Found it here
So I know it's possible. I just find myself doubting that it will ever happen for me.

I'm pretty sure I let that doubt make me defensive with some of the men I meet. Almost immediately, I
question their motives, their words, and their feelings. It would be one thing if I did this quietly, or only to my friends - but I've always been a little more transparent.

Not that I come right out and accuse anyone of lying. I definitely put up a wall, and refuse to let people in. As soon as a guy does something that might be suspect, I jump on it and use it as an excuse to end things.

Basically, I walk away before he can leave.

Having figured this out, and realizing I probably need to knock if off if I'm ever going to go on another second date, I find myself in a very awkward position. I have to balance not wanting to judge men too quickly or unfairly, but also make sure I'm keeping up with my standards and not letting anyone treat me poorly.

But how does one do that? My desire to only let the good guys in practically forces me to boot a guy the minute he does or says anything that seems out of line. But the sad truth is, meeting new people is tough for everyone, and it's easy for a guy to slip up - just like it's easy for me to slip up, too.

It's kind of like when I was trying to learn to ride a bike. On the one hand, I really wanted to learn how to ride my pretty pink bike with the sparkly streamers and little basket. I wanted to go out and have fun with my best friend, and ride all over. But on the other hand, I remembered what it felt like getting hurt when I fell (down a hill, landed in a bush - seriously not one of my better moments).

I eventually gave up the bike.

Let's hope I've matured some in the last 30 years.

1 comment:

  1. " I also want to examine how critical I am."

    pretty critical if you use the above statement as evidence.


    I give you a lot of credit for putting yourself out there.

    Sometimes you can go with the flow, not be so critical and still not compromise your standards.

    If your so quick to throw up the wall at one slip up... are you sure you aren't purposely doing it? Can't get hurt if you don't really take the time to know someone?

    Just don't make barriers for yourself. Allow your positivity to shine, and positivity will attract to it.