Wednesday, June 29, 2011

In dating, rules don't matter

A while back, I met this guy online. He said he was interested in talking but was going through a really rough time. I couldn't tell if it was just a way to blow me off or if he was serious - but in any case, I gave him some space.

A couple of weeks ago, he came up in a match search (on the same site where we'd first met). So, I emailed him. I was brief and honest:
I came across your profile, and thought I remembered talking to you a while back. If you'd ever like to reconnect, let me know.
(Or something like that.)

He replied and we exchanged contact info. At one point, he asked why I'd decided to contact him again after such a long time. Didn't I feel strange - like maybe the moment had passed?

I thought for a bit, and again, decided to be completely honest.
Because I happened upon your profile and remembered that I liked talking with you. I thought there was a chance you might not have been interested - but hey, you don't know until you ask, right?
He told me he was very glad that I hadn't been afraid to reach out again. Then he smiled.

I know a lot of people would think I was crazy to reach out to him again. I should have just let it go, it wasn't meant to be. I get that - there are times when the moment has passed, and you can't get it back. When trying to recreate something is just a desperate waste of time.

But there are other times when the normal "rules" don't apply. When you can't be worried about risking your pride or saving face. At the end of the day, dating is really just a process of learning how far out on a limb you'll go to find the one time that rules don't matter.

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