Wednesday, June 15, 2011

It's not so easy

During my dating weekend from hell, after I got the "there's just no spark" message from BG, I was...okay. I had been thinking it was coming, and had even been wondering if there was a connection on my end, as well.

My friend said to me, "I know, but that always sucks to hear." I dismissed it then, but thinking back - she's right.

I don't think it matters why we're rejected. Sure, sometimes it's easier. Like, if we don't like the guy - it's always easier if he agrees. Other times, I think it helps to have a decision made for us; if we like two guys, but only one is interested - well, that settles that.

But even in those cases, I think there's some residual, "Why not me?" feelings that we don't always deal with - until it comes up. Which it always does - usually in a bigger way; that's way more dramatic than it should have been; not that I'd know anything about that.

I just think It's never easy to have someone tell you he's not interested. No matter how you slice it, what he's saying is there is something "wrong" with you (whether it's actually wrong, or just not right for him).

Here's the good news (if you want to call it that): Rejection can be helpful, too. I'm not suggesting we study what we did "wrong" and try to change. But it is a chance to see ourselves through the eyes of someone else. A change in perspective is usually where improvement begins - and we can all stand some improvement.

Rejection is also a chance to take stock in our patterns, and make changes if needed. Am I looking for Mr. Right in all the wrong places? Am I shutting guys out when I should be letting them get closer? Do I need to compromise more? Or maybe less?

Those are all questions we don't ask ourselves in a comfortable relationship. Only dating (and sometimes failing miserably) puts those topics front and center.

Rejection is also a chance for us to take a good look, and figure out - honestly - what we want. Do we really want a relationship - or are we just afraid to be alone? Maybe we're looking to avoid making the changes we need to make - and a relationship provides the perfect excuse.

The real truth is - it's not so easy to be rejected. But sometimes, life (and cupid) give us what we need - not necessarily what we want.

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