Monday, December 5, 2011


I used to have a "type." Then, after dating for a while, I realized that having a type often meant I would shy away from guys because they didn't fit the mold. For a while, I went on a date with just about any guy who asked, to make sure I wasn't walking away from someone worth keeping around. 

Sounds like a big waste of time, right? I definitely went on some lousy dates - but I learned a lot, so I wouldn't call it a total waste. Process is a better word; I had to go through it to learn more about myself, and what my real deal-breakers are. 

So what are they? 

* A job - or at least an idea of what he wants to do. In this economy, plenty of people are unemployed or underemployed - but there's a difference between a grown-up who had some bad luck, and someone who never bothered to grow up. 

* Live on his own. Again - while I get the economics, it just isn't for me. In fact Gardner had never lived anywhere but his childhood home. While he shares it with siblings now, and not parents - the point is, he'd never had to live on his own. I take care of myself, and I expect any SO to be able to do the same. 

* He's gotta like cats. I know, I know - it seems silly. But I love my kitties, and I know I'd never want to give them up. I considered it briefly, when thinking about dating someone who was allergic. The thought made me absolutely sad. 

* Previously married, or experience in some sort of committed relationship. Seem strange? Maybe. But I dated a guy once who had never been married, and had only been in one long-term relationship. He had trouble "getting" how compromise and balance in a relationship were supposed to work. I'd prefer to date a guy who has already learned those lessons. 

* Non-smoker. I tried; I really did. I just don't like it. 

* Tolerant of others. By this, I mean he needs to be politically and socially open-minded, and not judgmental of lifestyles that differ from his own. 

Now - maybe some of those are unfair. Everyone has their quirks, I suppose. But this article from the dating blog over at How About We lists some really picky deal-breakers. 


  1. Not sure whether to laugh or cry at that list on HAW.

    My dealbreakers...
    No smokers, please. I too have been there and done that. Didn't work.
    Must be accepting of my support to social causes that are very important in my life.

    BIG bonus if he's bald, but that's for another post. ;-)

  2. These are so general. Your type isn't very specific

  3. You're so right... I don't know about smoking because it's pretty serious for you who doesn't like it but it's pretty serious for the smoker too. Give him some time ;)

  4. Agree with you!
    I love cats too and when a man tells me he's allergic or hate cats is like GO AWAY from me, I can't see my life without my cats.
    And smoke part, I smoke too, why? Well pity for me I met someone who smoke and after I while I started too, bad idea :(