Your own story

"You and your boyfriend are welcome for Christmas dinner...."

That's what my friend's mom said to me the other night. Then she caught herself, put her hand over her mouth and said, "Ooops...I forgot. I'm not supposed to use that word." 

Boyfriend. 

I'm not afraid of the label - but Trooper and I hadn't officially discussed using them, and honestly - I don't like to jinx myself. That, and I'm always afraid I'm too old to use the word "boyfriend" - but that's a different post. 

Trooper has been acting like we're a "couple" for a while. When I told a couple of my closest friends what was happening, they all reacted the same.

"He's totally into you." 

"You're in with this guy." 

"You're totally in a relationship - whether you know it, or not." 

The thing was, I felt that way, and I felt like I could trust Trooper. He's such a great guy (and no, I'm not just saying that because he might be reading). He's wonderful to me; sweet, kind, confident and honest and I have no reason not to trust him. If he's behaving like he likes me - it's safe to believe he does.  

I guess a part of me is was just worried because I don't always trust myself to read signs correctly. But, I've learned and grown a lot, and I've gotten better at relationships - partly because I've learned about other people, but mostly because I learned about and improved upon myself. 

In other relationships, I looked for signs; and when the signs I wanted weren't there, I looked for anything to point in the direction I wanted. I saw only what I wanted - and ignored the signs that were right in front of me. The conversations were forced; I couldn't be 100% honest because I was afraid of what the guy would say, how he'd react - and of the truth. 

With Trooper, I've never had to force anything, and I've never been afraid to be honest. Our conversations are always natural and comfortable. I'm able to be honest with him, and he with me. Maybe that's because we're both secure in who we are, and what we want - and I'm sure it doesn't hurt that we both really like each other. 

So, when we talked about the labels, it turned out we were already on the same page. Like everything else with him, it was simple, and comfortable, and easy. It felt right. So, maybe I'm getting better at reading signs. 

Or maybe it's less about reading others and more about knowing your own story.