I'm not really sure why I've been thinking about it so much - maybe because I've been buried in address and gift labels for weeks now. But I've been thinking a lot about labels, and their affect on people.
It turns out, Trooper and I have "labels" - of the official variety. I told myself that just because I was given a title, that doesn't mean I'm going to act any differently. I mean - why should it, right? No matter what name we give it, what we're talking about is a two-month old relationship that is going really well, and makes me very happy.
I believe where we are, and how we feel, is what should dictate our behavior - not the names we assign.
But I'll admit - since we started throwing the titles around, I've found myself...feeling a little different. Like, I have new roles and responsibilities - and rights. I caught myself the other day, when I was about to assume myself into his schedule - but I yanked myself back before it was too late. Phew.
It seems silly to me, not to mention unfair. I think one of the reasons things have been going so well is they have developed naturally. Nothing between us is forced or manufactured; that's why it works.
If I let myself get caught up in labels, I'll make assumptions, and set expectations. Basically, all that ease and comfort will start to unravel.
It got me thinking - is this why some people are so afraid to take that next step? Are people afraid that making something official is the beginning of the end? I've heard people use that as a reason to not get married; that marriage "changes things." I always wondered, "How?" How can just naming the relationship change it?
Maybe because we get so caught up in what we think the label should mean, we forget to just be ourselves? We get so focused on what we think people expect, we forget to just be true to our own feelings?
There's no way I'll be perfect. I know I'll slip and give into the expectations now and then. But I'm grateful I'm seeing this now, and hopeful I can remain true to myself and my own feelings.
After all - we know how I feel about other people's rules.
I love this post. I hate labels. I just got engaged and although we're not very far into the planning process we've already run into all of those expectations. But we've decided to throw the etiquette book out the window and do what we want.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Very well said. Agreed.
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you sister! My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years now. I constantly get a hard time from family and friends about us not being married yet. I get it that 7 years is a long time to date, but we met when we were young and we just haven't felt the need to get married yet. I am usually pretty okay with our "status" until other people make me feel bad about not being married or having kids yet. It's CRAZY!
ReplyDeleteFirst Time Reader, found you on Blogs of Note.
ReplyDeleteLove your perspective.
Can't wait to read more.
Oh boy can I relate to some of your posts...
Come check me out if you get time.
www.katerivonstealsnewlife.blogspot.com
Brilliant insights. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt perspective. Timely.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you so much, labels influence us more than we know and sadly even when we don't want them to.
ReplyDeleteI wish I read this before I dated the last three guys I dated
ReplyDeleteI think it's programmed into us to expect certain things from relationships when we put a name on it. It takes a strong person to see that you don't have to play by other peoples rules.
ReplyDelete