Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Just friends

I was reading the other day that men and women can not be just friends; because the guy always wants to have sex with the woman. I also believe that Rob Reiner, with the help of Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan, have already covered that for us.

I used to think that was true. In fact - I used to have a real problem with X having a female friend. That ended badly; and isn't really the subject of this post.

Nowadays, I do think that men and women can be just friends. I have quite a few male friends. As it turns out, the ones to whom I'm closest are usually guys I once dated (or, you know, married then divorced).

I guess that's because that whole pesky sex-thing is out of the way; we've been there, done that and bought the t-shirt. It's not a lingering issue that stands between us and an honest, platonic friendship.

When I first started dating, I never thought I'd be okay with my significant other having friends of the opposite sex - and I certainly never would have imagined I'd be okay with exes. At first - I wasn't. I would worry and fret (and yes, facebook stalk), constantly thinking I was about to have the rug pulled out from underneath me - again.

I recently discovered that I no longer feel that way. Well, not as much, anyway. Trooper has plenty of female friends. Some are exes; and some are friends with whom he spends time. When I first found out, I thought I'd be bothered; I expected to be worried, feel insecure, and maybe even get a little mad.

I was surprised when that didn't happen.

I was so surprised that I actually asked a couple of trusted friends if they thought I was being crazy for not being upset. They assured me I was not.

Apparently, this is what happens when you're secure enough in yourself, sure of what you want, and you're in an open and honest and healthy relationship (at any stage).

Huh. Go figure. Here I thought it was all just a myth.


  1. It takes a lot of trust from both parties to have friends of the opposite sex!

    Kudos for having such trust!

  2. It does take a lot of trust but also a lot of self-confidence if you really think about it. You just have to accept that people are free to do what they want, being in a relationship or not. And when being in a relationship, that doesn't mean you change your life right?

  3. ...I have a lot of friends of the opposite sex and I sometimes enjoy their company better than when I am with my female friends!...and of cource your relationship won't change your life but his opinion must count!!!...it's totaly ok to feel good and cool about your relationship's female friends!that means you have a lot of selfconfidence and that is a big deal!!keep it this way!!!!:*
    …All in Style…!

  4. ok well, ill be honest I suppose.One of my good friends is a guy who I hooked up with a long time ago, and i totally agree, no weirdness, nothing going on at all there, just friends, thats it. My man is cool with it, were all pretty much good buds now, the end.
    but if HE/we hung out with a girl he used to be with or if he had closer girl friends, that's another story. I totally trust him, I just always feel a little jealous pang in my heart, because i feel like they're cooler/prettier or whatever. I think its more a self-confidence thing rather than a jealous girlfriend thing.

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  6. But I think man and woman can just be friends. I myself is an example.top quality watches

  7. I. Love. That. Movie.

    It's one of my absolute favorites! Back when Meg Ryan was THE romance comedy queen!

    And I agree, I think you can be "just friends". I think in a relationship it does take a lot of trust. But if you can't trust your significant other then there are more underlying issues than just female friends. :)

    I think it's a sign of a mature relationship when Trust is a key.

  8. I definitely think guys and girls can just be friends. It's awesome that you're in a healthy relationship and feel secure enough to accept the female friends. The trick is usually getting them to accept you as well :)