Friday, May 25, 2012

Breakup stage - acceptance

I'd love to get to this stage. I (literally) pray everyday that I'll eventually reach a point where I accept my part in the breakup and start to learn from the relationship.

In this case - I'm not sure I'll ever know what I did (if anything) to cause this breakup. It's not like there was a third party or some huge fight. It just wasn't working out, and had a lot more to do with Trooper than it did with me.

So maybe for me, acceptance is going to be acknowledging that the issue was his, not mine, and finding a way to be okay with that.

There will be lessons, and things he brought to my life. Thanks to Trooper, I started going to church, and found that I really enjoyed, and found comfort in, the message. A couple people have suggested that maybe that was one of the reasons behind the relationship - that I needed someone to bring me closer to God, so Trooper came into my life to serve that purpose.

I've given that some thought. I think it's possible. Truthfully, it still makes me a little angry. I mean - it seems to me the lesson could have been taught in a slightly less painful way. Sheesh.

Another friend reminded me that it's not all about me; I left "footprints in his life" too. Maybe that was the purpose - for me to bring something to his life.

I'm not sure - and like I said, part of the healing for me has been to give some of this over to God, and part of that is accepting that I might never know. Maybe I'm not even meant to know.

I'm meant to accept, and learn, and heal, and move on. And that's the plan.

4 comments:

  1. HUGS. I have a feeling one day you'll wake up, be leaving the gym, picking out a new nail color, or something seemingly as mundane, but you'll realize that you're ok.

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    1. Thank you. That gives me a little hope. :)

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  2. These series of posts... have been wonderful. Keep going with them.

    You're helping others and yourself.

    Have a happy any healthy Memorial day weekend!

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    1. Thanks so much. I hope I'm helping others - that would mean a lot to me. :)

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