Monday, June 18, 2012

Good guy - bad relationship

Remember when I told you that I'd never say anything bad about Trooper?

That's still true.

Reading my own words back to myself, I realized when I fully disclosed a few red flags, it might have sounded like I was saying something bad about Trooper. I wasn't - and I wanted to make that clear.

Those red flags were more about me noticing that the relationship wasn't working the way I hoped. He wasn't as into me as I thought, or over time, I just became more invested in the relationship than he did. Whatever.

Sometimes, I think we tell ourselves the person who broke our heart was a bad guy, or flawed, or had issues, just to make ourselves feel better. Clearly, we're too fabulous for anyone in his right mind to have left.

But it doesn't really matter if the guy had issues, or if the relationship just wasn't working. Either way - that's OK. Sometimes, things don't work out. It sucks; but you heal, you learn, and you move on.

That doesn't mean you're not fabulous. And it doesn't mean he's not a great guy. It also doesn't mean that neither of you will never meet anyone, fall in love, and live happily ever after. Maybe one of you will. Maybe both of you will - just not with each other.

That's okay too.

I think when we look for red flags, it's important to look at the relationship, not the person. Focus on yourself: Is this what I want; am I okay with that answer; am I happy with this arrangement? If the answer is no, say something. It'll work out, or it won't, but at least you're not ignoring the red flags.

Just be careful to remember that those red flags are a warning that the relationship might be bad for you. They don't mean he's not a good guy.

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