Friday, June 15, 2012


You know how people say dogs can smell fear? I think men can smell vulnerability, or sadness. Or maybe they have radar. You know - like bats.

Bats also have cooties, so I may be on to something.

Within days - literally - of my breakup with Trooper, I got an email from a guy with whom I went on one date 18 months ago. He asked how I was doing, and if I was seeing anyone. I explained I'd just been through a breakup. He thought we should go out and have a few laughs.

I disagreed.

I respectfully told him that I'm just not ready, and plan to take a break from dating for a while. He was nice; said he understood, and to get in touch with him if I changed my mind, or just needed a friend.

But then...

I got the text I knew was coming. Since we broke up in October (a process that actually started in September), Gardner has contacted me about once every other month. Just a quick text, to which I'd send a brief response, and then it would be over for another 60 days or so.

So I had a feeling a text would be coming. He asked how I was, I said fine. He asked if I'd gone on vacation (he knew I had plans), I said yes. He asked if me and my boyfriend had a good time.

I cringed.

I hate lying. First - I just don't like to do it. Second, I don't like feeling like it should be necessary. It feels like I'm being forced to play a game, and that just seems unnecessary. I should be able to say to a guy that I'm single, without him automatically assuming that means I'm interested.

So, I said to Gardner, "That vacation was not with him, and he's no longer my boyfriend."

His response? "Should I be happy about that?"

Huh? How should I know how you feel about something? Or why you'd even care in the first place?! Sheesh. When I asked that question, he said he was just inquiring who broke up with whom. So I was honest.

"He ended things with me."

Gardner shifted gears, sent a couple more brief texts, then went away. I was hoping he'd go away for at least the normal 60 days. He didn't.

A couple days later, I got a text inquiring how I'm doing. Then the following week - the same thing. And they continue....

I don't want to be a bitch. This could just be his effort to be a good friend. Maybe he just figures I could use a friend right now. Possibly he just wants to stay in touch, and he does this with all his friends now and then.

But if the past is any indication - his hope is that this will turn into us going out on a date. I don't want that. I'm not ready - and even if I was, he and I broke up for several reasons. My guess is, those reasons haven't changed.

So what I wanna know come his radar doesn't get that signal?


  1. I read through some of the old posts about Gardner and I think now what I thought back in October...that he's desperate. Maybe you should just block his number...not to be a meanie, but so that he gets the point. He doesn't seem to understand that no means no, which means he isn't exactly someone you want hanging around. His radar, like so many others, is broken.

    1. I've considered doing the blocking thing on my phone. I just hate being put in that position. I'll figure it out. I guess what I wonder is - WHY? Sheesh.

  2. Haha. He's the Herpes of Your Dating Life.

  3. He obviously thinks he has an in and that you are at a weak point.
    He may be trying to be a "good friend" and since I have not gone back to read the old posts about Gardner, I can't be certain of the reasons for the breakup.

    I wouldn't try to block him... but ignoring or the I need some quiet time for me approach... could be good.

    You only block if it's a stalker.
    Or a telemarketer.