Friday, September 21, 2012

The guy might be a jerk...

...if he continues talking to a woman after she's said she's not available.

...if he takes every opportunity to plant doubt in her head about her current relationship.

...if he starts making sexual-innuendo jokes with someone he's never met,

...yet, complains that the last woman he met online started talking about sex too quickly.

...if he's one of those players who says he wants a relationship - but is really a perpetual bachelor.

...if he says he's talking only to you, yet can't seem to remember very specific, unique details he's already learned in previous conversations.

I'm not saying this guy is a jerk...I'm saying he might be.

He persued me after I told him I wasn't interested, or really available. He has wasted no time in pointing out that long distance relationships are "tough to maintain" and "a lot of pressure" and that it seems I do "most of the traveling."

He did complain that the last woman he met online went all sex-freak on him within a week (more on that forthcoming because it is hilarious). Yet he's not afraid to make little innuendo jokes. Not saying he's offensive or inappropriate, or even that he's not funny - but don't behave that way, then judge someone else for doing (almost) the same. I suspect he gave that woman what she thought was the green-light to let her freak-flag fly. Shame on him for then judging her.

He's mid-forties, never married, has no kids, and doesn't even like pets. Sounds like a bachelor to me. He's also all about working out, and from his picture, appears to be ridiculously good-looking. He works in a field that would allow him to flirt with random women quite a bit. Actually, he reminds me a lot of this guy - and we see how well that worked out.

I also wonder about this whole "I canceled my online dating profile" line. What better way to hook a woman than to tell her there's no one worth the trouble online - but here's his contact information, implying there's something special about her. Do women really go for that? Of course! We love that stuff!  Better still is the fact that, since he's canceled that profile, she won't see if/when he's online, presumably talking to others. If that line "hooked" enough fish before he canceled that account, he could leave it shut down for months before needing to cast another line.

Within a week of talking, he'd already forgotten what I do for a living, some very basic physical features (height, hair color), and the fact that I don't drink at all - which was a very long conversation, and is a fairly unique quality. Is he just a flake? A bad listener? Or is he getting me confused with the dozens of other women he's "getting to know?"

Does the why really matter? I don't think so. I think what I should be worried about is - am I really worried about giving this nonsense up? Is this a part of that single life to which I'm clinging so dearly? If so - why?!

Women spend years convincing themselves that they don't fall for players' lines - then years trying to undo all that damage to their personal lives (and their psyches). Am I really willing to fall back into that trap, just so I can say, "Yup, still single?"

Am I nuts?


  1. To me single means meeting lots of self centered jerks, that do not like pets, forget important stuff, only care about dirty talk, lie etc... it drives me nuts.. but i keep searching for a better one (and keep meeting idiots).

  2. Not nuts.

    But, and I love your thought process and how open you are on here...

    Perhaps... Well.... When the initial red flag with this guy went up.... You should have just clicked the good ol' Block button.

    Guys like him ... Only seem happy when they can put women in turmoil. Keeping them manic and providing them with "relief"... It's a game... At least from the way I've been reading this interaction.


    You are not crazy... but seriously, don't give a-holes like this the benefit of the doubt. 1 red flag, and shut it down.

    I hope all is well