Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Who wants to be the bad guy?

I've been thinking about my dating history. Counting a couple of teeny, almost insignificant, mini-relationships (one of which I actually forgot about - oops), I have been involved six times since my divorce. I've been the dumpee in three of them; I ended the others myself.

So I guess my claim that I'm "always" the one getting dumped needs to be reevaluated, or at least deserves an asterisk. It's worth noting that I did not end my marriage. Also there have been (I think) more one-or-two-date guys who rejected me, rather than the other way around.

The truth is, it doesn't really matter. The point is, this means I have fairly equal experience on both sides of the breakup fence.....

....and I've come to the conclusion I'd much rather be on the receiving end.

Yes, you read that right. I would much rather be the one to get dumped, rather than the one to do the dumping.

First of all - The decision to end a relationship - particularly a significant one that seems to be going OK - is a lot of stress. I don't need stress. That's why I have a job - and a family.

Second - If I'm dumped, I get to eat ice cream and wallow in bad reality television all I want. My parents buy me gifts. Friends take me to lunch. If the breakup is my decision? That's right - no presents, and everyone expects me to keep going to the gym because, well, I'm fine, right?

All kidding aside - I don't like being the bad guy. I know how heartbreak feels, and I hate the idea that I'm inflicting that feeling on someone else, particularly when I care about that person.

I told this to a friend, and she agreed with me that it never feels good to hurt someone you care about, and making the decision is scary. However, she still wants the decision to be hers. She prefers to have control over her emotions. She wants to be the one to decide when the hurt starts (and stops), rather than having it be something that happens to her.

My friends are a lot stronger than I am. Mostly, I just want ice cream.


  1. You should have ice cream. Just not as much as you get when you get dumped. Or maybe FroYo.

    It wasn't an easy decision to end it, but I think you'll be ok.

  2. Oh man the title I read was, "who wants to be the BALD guy".

    I thought this was a dating tale about a bald man.