Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Patience is not one of my virtues

I've never been patient. I have always been the sort of person who wants what she wants - along with when and how. Even as a kid, I never liked to wait. I hate not knowing the answers or what's coming next.

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why dating gets me down so easily. I want to understand why I react the way I do, so that I can change my outlook and help myself manage better. After all - I don't control when/if I find a relationship. I need to be able to wait, not know, and not control.

Baking Suit suggested maybe my most recent "lesson" is, at least partly, a lesson in patience.
"You live a life of instant gratification. You go where you want, when you want, with whom you want. You buy what you want and do what you want. You're not used to waiting. Maybe that's what you're supposed to be learning." 
I considered the same thing, but hearing her say it convinced me even more that this is a lesson I really need to learn. Even my counselor suggested that maybe waiting, being patient, and accepting I can't control everything is something at which I need to improve.

The truth is, whether things work out with this guy, or the next guy, or no guy ever... I need to work on being OK with not being in control. It's OK to not always be in charge.

I need to learn patience.

I hope it doesn't take too long.

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