Wednesday, November 21, 2012

How to go black hole

"If he's trying to blow you off, he's doing a lousy job."

When we first started talking, we texted everyday. In my mind, that set an expectation.

After we met, the texting dwindled. I asked what was up, and he said all was OK with us, that he'd just had a lot going on. I knew what had been happening, and it wasn't something he could lie about or invent. But then I didn't hear from him. For nearly a week.

I assumed he'd been sucked into the black hole, and I would not be hearing from him again. Then, out of nowhere, I get a text asking if I could get together the following week.

Confused, I asked - again. I hate to do that, because I was even annoying myself at that point. But the whole thing made no sense - who jumps in the black hole, and then jumps back out with a date? That's new.

He insisted he wasn't blowing me off, and that he wouldn't - "If I wasn't interested, I'd say so." I let it go, but was still convinced the black hole was trying to suck him back. That's when my friend said he's doing a lousy job at blowing me off.

Which makes me wonder - maybe he's new at this, and needs some tips? We all know I'm here to help, so if you're going black hole....

- Stop texting; for the love of all that's good - don't call.
- If she texts you, don't reply right away. In fact, only reply after she's sent about five texts.
- When you do reply, be as vague and short as possible.
- Under no circumstances should you set a date, or agree to one if asked.
- Never, ever tell her that you really are interested; she might actually believe you, and then you're stuck.

You may be thinking...wouldn't it be easier to just tell her I'm not interested? Duh. If you know you're not interested, you could take that sincere, honest, mature, respectful approach. I mean - extreme circumstances and all.

But going black hole isn't always about knowing what you want. Sometimes, you go black hole because you think there might be something better - but you're not entirely sure you want to give up on this person quite yet. In a case like that, avoiding her might not work. Most women will take just so much of that, before they're gone for good.

If you need to keep her hanging on just a little bit longer, try a nicely worded, properly-vague excuse like,

- I've got too much going on right now to focus on this relationship.
- I really need to work on myself.

This should put her off enough that she leaves you alone, while still leaving you an opening to sneak back in, should whatever else you've got going not work out.


You should establish your reason for going black hole first - is it because you're not interested, or you're not sure? This is important because confusing reasons and methods will not work.

Excuses, reasons, and explanations should be kept as vague as possible. Should you try to sneak back into the opening, you will have to remember what you said, and be prepared to explain what changed. The fewer the details, the better.

These methods should only be used on naive, immature women with a slighly lower self-esteem. Those women tend to fall for the half-truths more than others.

Trying these methods with a woman who knows how the game is played will backfire. She will see right through you, and probably use your own words and games against you at some point. Because, let's face it, women are just as good at the games as men - but we're also much meaner..

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