Friday, November 9, 2012

A dating nap

As I write this post, it remains to be seen whether or not I will have a second date with Mr. Ding-a-Ling. Whether I do or not, I am quite single right now, and free to search online dating sites, or troll bars and bookstores, or whatever, to my heart's content.

But I'm tired.

This is how I feel.
I'm tired of making the first move, and all the effort involved. I'm tired of trying to put my best foot forward, and being "on" all the time. I'm tired of starting something, only to spin my wheels a few times, and end up in the same place.

Even before my first date with Mr. Ding-a-Ling, I had decided that if it didn't work out with him, I was going to take a slight break from dating. I'm not calling it a full-on break; it's not a love cleanse. I'd still flirt if I met someone; I'd still go on a blind date (so if you know any good single guys - call me); I'll still talk to guys I already know (which, at the moment, includes Mr. Ding-a-Ling; he's not gone yet).

I'm just tired of searching, and have decided to take a break from that part of my dating life.

As part of that break, I've hidden (but not deleted) my online dating profiles (I currently have profiles on three different sites). I realize there's no real effort in keeping them searchable, and honestly, hiding them means I probably won't meet anyone. I'm also tired of the emails from people who I know are not serious, or who are totally wrong for me. Deciding whether to respond, then doing so nicely, and then getting those guys to completely go away is still effort - and I'm tired of all that, too.

I'm also tired of the emails from guys who I've talked with before. "Hey, you're back. Want to go out?" I didn't want to go out with you before - what on Earth would make you think I do now? I'm tired of forcing myself to be firm, but polite. 

Honestly, I feel a little like a loser for taking this break. If I want a relationship, I also have to do my part - and I feel like this is me not doing my part.

The thing is - dating is supposed to be fun. At the moment, I don't consider searching fun; it feels more like work. That means I'm probably not putting my best-self out there - which is also not doing my part.

So maybe right now, my part needs to be working on myself, staying open to possibilities, and trusting that what's meant to be is going to figure out a way to happen.

The bottom line is - I'm exhausted. Dating will always be there, and I can start it back up whenever.

Right now - I need a nap.


  1. Breaks are good. Make sure you have a snack on your break. Definitely do something for you.

  2. A great decision you have made. I am proud of you taking a nap because I cannot forget my boyfriend yet.
    So, I am telling all the boys writing a message that I am not ready dating them.
    But I know that I have to move on.
    I am not ready to let him go even it is the best decision.

  3. this all sounds exhausting. have you tired just not looking or thinking baout it at all for a whil? let love find you girl.