Friday, November 30, 2012

Can we talk?

A friend posted this article from CNN on facebook the other day. It's part of a larger series they're doing on Our Mobile Society.

I'm pretty mobile. OK - if the truth be told, I'm probably one (very short) step away from needing a twelve-step program to treat Nomophobia.
You do not want to talk to me on the phone. How do I know? Because I don't want to talk to you on the phone. Nothing personal, I just can't stand the thing.
I find it intrusive and somehow presumptuous. It sounds off insolently whenever it chooses and expects me to drop whatever I'm doing and, well, engage. With others! When I absolutely must, I take the call, but I don't do a very good job of concealing my displeasure.
So it was with profound relief that I embraced the arrival of e-mail and, later, texting. They meant a conversation I could control — utterly. I get to say exactly what I want exactly when I want to say it. It consumes no more time than I want it to and, to a much greater degree than is possible with a phone call, I get to decide if it takes place at all. That might make me misanthropic. It surely makes me a crank. But it doesn't make me unusual.
This describes me perfectly. I'm from a generation that, at one time, only had phones that were attached to the wall by a cord. I actually liked talking on the phone with my friends - but when it came to communicating with guys, I was at a loss.

You can imagine how relieved I was that email and texting had sky-rocketed in popularity by the time I re-entered the dating scene. Honestly, if they hadn't, I'd probably already have my crazy-cat-lady laminated ID card.

Online dating sites, texting, and email are great for meeting someone not already in your circle, and for casual conversation while you get to know each other. But I'm starting to think that what this article says is very true for me; it all has a profoundly negative effect on my ability to communicate with guys once we're in any sort of relationship.

I've mentioned before that in my family, we only discuss feelings or emotions when we're fighting. I also mentioned that I believe my following in these foot-steps was at least one way in which I contributed to my failed marriage.

But since I'm a grown-up (technically) who wants a grown-up relationship - I suppose at some point I need to stop blaming societal trends and my family's own dysfunction, and pick up the damn ball and run with it myself.

I know I have a lot of work to do. I may even need to put the phone down and actually talk to someone - like, face to face.

I suppose talking to my cats doesn't count?


  1. I too hate the phone but I blame my old job for it. After 8 hours a day of being on the phone, I didn't want to talk to anyone - ever.

    Best day ever when my parents started texting.

    1. Wish my mom would text, but wish my sister would talk on the phone more!

      I have my days when I want to talk on the phone, and days when I don't. So, I let it go to voicemail and call them back when I'm ready to talk. But I never let my sister's call go to voicemail as it is so infrequent that she calls me... .hmmm... maybe this is a conversation we'll have "face to face" over the holidays. Love your blog, keep shining and sharing :)