I am not one to get bored or lonely. I have plenty to do, and actually enjoy being home, alone. Sometimes I'm so busy, I actually look forward to just hanging at home with my book or TV, and my cat.
But lately, I have been feeling anxious and sad and alone. I have noticed the quiet a little more - and not in a good way.
But the more I think about it, the more I realize - those connections need to be broken. When I think about how much it bothers me when they pop in and out of my life, I realize I'm allowing them to hurt my feelings. I can't do that anymore.
Of course, they are all currently "popped out" - so I can't say any of this to them. If they contact me again, I will. If they don't, I just have to let the feelings fade.
The result, though, is me spending a lot of time not contacting them, much the way I would resist the urge to contact someone after a painful breakup. I think that may be what's causing the anxiety.
It's clear they never wanted the same kind of relationship with me that I wanted with them. Still - I feel loss. I suppose what I've lost is the hope that either relationship would go anywhere.
I have read that people repeat the same mistakes, until we finally learn the intended lesson. Hopefully, this one is starting to sink in.