Do you remain friends with exes after you break up?I'm pretty sure we covered this territory before. If we haven't, the fact that I'm constantly referring to advice from X and Engineer should be a hint that I remain friends with exes.
Not all exes, though.
For instance - Big and I don't speak. I think he was pretty annoyed when he found this blog, though we spoke a few times after. The truth is, I haven't seen him in person since the day we broke up (almost 2 1/2 years ago). We are still friends on social media (twitter, facebook, etc.) but we never interact.
I'd like to say it's because we have nothing in common, or that we were too in love to stay friends, or that our friendship just didn't develop enough strength.
But that wouldn't be true.
The truth is...I wasn't mature enough to stay friends with Big. He's a good man. He may have used poor judgment, but whatever he did, it wasn't any worse than some things that have been done to me since. Love is tough, and relationships are difficult. I didn't realize that what he did was...well...kinda normal. I had a lot to learn, and in the meantime, it cost me a friend. Truly my loss.
They say people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Those who come for a reason are here to teach us something, or serve a purpose. Those who come for a season are here to get us through a difficult time, or maybe enhance a happy time. Once the purpose or the time is met, that person leaves our life. It may feel sad, but it truly is something for which we should be grateful. Life sent us that person to bring the help we needed - like a guardian angel.
Those who are meant to be in our lives for a lifetime - well, they don't ever leave. Their role might change (from lover to friend, for example) but they'll always be there. For this, we should also be grateful. A forever-friend is truly a blessing.
It's true that X, Trooper and Engineer have each come and gone and come back to my life in their own way and time, but I think the fact that they found their way back is what shows they are forever friends. I guess Big was a season for me. He taught me a lot; and I am forever grateful.
(There are also exes who just simply don't deserve friendship - either because they were jerks, or they weren't around long enough for a true friendship to develop. But that's a different post.)