Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Little tests

My date wasn't with "Know games" guy -
but hiding still looks pretty good.
I was on a date this weekend. He suggested meeting half way, and driving together to a restaurant he likes that is about 90 minutes away. Normally, I don't do the whole ride-together thing on a first date. I've been talking to this guy online for a while, and had an OK vibe from him. Plus, I liked the idea of me saving on gas.

Safety isn't the only concern, of course. Riding together, and traveling that far, pretty much guaranteed the date would be at least four hours long. Trapped with someone for all that time, with no idea how conversation would be? That was the real problem.

I started noticing comments that made him seem...a little old-fashioned. It's tough to explain, but he was coming across as very opinionated and rigid. He definitely did not have a lot of education, and definitely blue collar. I don't really care about any of that, but those things sometimes add up to a person with whom I might not share some political or social ideals.

So, I brought up an incident that happened in my city recently. It was a domestic disturbance between two men, who were also a couple. I figured the story might be a good conversation starter (or filler) but also give me a chance to observe his reaction to a gay couple.

It wasn't positive. Actually, I think he scowled.

At that point, I was pretty much done (which was unfortunate, because we were only half way through dinner and still had an hour drive together). Even if we got past the lulls in conversation, it appeared my instincts were right, and we differed in some very key ways.

It occurred to me that we probably all do these kind of tests on dates. I don't just do it with issues - I also do it with how a guy treats me. If I mention I have bad knees, will he remember, and offer to get the car for me or help me down a curb? Will he walk on the curb-side of the sidewalk? Will he let me order first? Does he grab for the check right away? Is he nice to the server?

I'm sure everyone guages behavior differently. The point is, whether we realize it or not, a first date is really just a series of tests. A chance to observe how the other person carries himself (or herself), and to try and predict how well that will mesh with our own behavior.

I'm sure he's a nice guy. He may just be too down-home, good-old boy for me. Or maybe I'm too snobby, white-collar bred for him. In either case, we're not a good match.

And I'll be sticking to coffee for first dates from now on.

1 comment:

  1. I think we do these tests in little ways all through life when we're meeting new people and figuring out if they fit in our lives.