Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A little crazy

You meet a guy. The two of you seem to hit it off. You have great conversation, a lot in common, it seems like you want the same thing - and he appears to be just as into you as you are him.

Your first date goes well. He gives you a great hug (maybe a kiss) and right away, he wants to set up the next date.

Things seem to be going great. Except he makes plans to go out a couple times that week - but you're not sure where, or with who. He calls you on his lunch, instead of at night. He gives you what seems like a preemptive blow-off.

But why should any of that matter? You only just met. It's not like you're exclusive - you're barely dating! In fact - you have a date of your own set up for one of those nights! So why do you care?

Some will say this is an example of a "crazy" woman - clingy, needy, insecure. While I don't like the word "crazy" to describe what is honestly very common dating behavior (for both men and women) - I do see the point. But honestly, I think it only seems crazy because we're not acknowledging the real problem.

Sure, it would be unreasonable to set any sort of expectation on this guy so early on. But what if our expectation isn't about him? What if it's about us?

At the end of the day, we're all looking for the "right" one. "Right" looks different for each of us - but the feeling is the same. It feels certain, and secure, and - well, right.

The what-ifs and the I-wonders come in when we're not sure something is right. That's OK - that's what dating is for, to figure it out.

I think the insecurity pops in not because we don't trust this particular guy, but because deep down, we don't trust our feelings. We know something is just a little off. It isn't what we were expecting.

That expectation has way more to do with our own feelings, yet we focus it on his actions. Inside, we're doubting ourselves and our feelings and whether or not this is what we expected to feel. But outwardly, we point our doubt at him, and his actions, with very little reason.

That could make anyone seem a little crazy.

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