Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Face to face rejection

I realized this weekend that I need to work on the face-to-face rejection. I have no problem telling someone that I'm just not that into him over the phone or in text {oh, how sweet it is when I can get away with that}, but when it comes to in-person - I choke.

Found it here
I do feel like it's either rude - especially after a date for which he's paid - or mean. But the truth is, I can get over being rude and mean. What I can't get over is the idea that it will turn into an embarrassing scene, or worse, he'll refuse to go away when the conversation is over.

On the phone, I have more control. If the conversation gets out of hand, I can just hang up. In person - and especially in public - I can't. Even walking away doesn't always work. Case in point - when Mr. Crazy-Pants approached me at the gym. He kept talking to me, and even though the conversation wasn't out of control, I still felt embarrassment. 

Honestly, there's also a safety concern. I don't want to sound all melodramatic, but the truth is - I have been in situations where I thought the guy might be less than a gentleman if he was rejected.

Sometimes, it's just easier to save-face in person, and then reject over the phone later.

But we all know the right thing to do is usually not the easy thing. It really only comes up if the guy is looking for confirmation of the next date before the current date ends. Sometimes guys don't ask {though I have met those that ask before the bill is paid - sneaky} and just wait until the follow-up phone call or text. I find this happens mostly if the guy is only a little interested in another date. If a guy is very interested, he will want to close the deal before saying goodbye.

A preemptive rejection isn't necessary - and that really would be mean. So, if the guy says something, I need to get better at replying with a nice, friendly, thanks, but no thanks. The truth is, embarrassment is my issue, not his, and safety is rarely a real concern. Sure I want to be courteous - but real courtesy is treating this person the right way, and being up-front if asked.

Of course, there will always be times when you just have to dive into your car head first to avoid an unwanted goodnight kiss. I don't think any of us should be too hard on ourselves - desperate times, desperate measures, and all.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know.. but, if you are asked before the bill is paid... and you are really not into the guy... Just have extra cash on you, in case he's like "I'm not paying for yo' food!".

    Then you can be like,"No Problem Homie.. Peace out!"

    And, if a guy were to make a scene... I'm sure there could be strong, strapping bus boys/chefs/waiters/bartenders who would be happy to ask this loser to leave, and escort you to your car.

    You don't need to be embarrassed.. easier to say than to do... Being not into someone isn't a crime or a huge coffee stain on your very light beige pants... It's a human nature sort of thing.