Princess

It's been a week. Next week will be better.

Until then, let me leave you with this thought....

Questions to ask a first date

Thanks to Baking Suit for sending a link to this post at Lovely Serendipity. Though the blogger admits that she wouldn't "actually have the balls," she has listed the questions she'd like to ask on a first date.

My favorites:

• How fast do you reply to texts? I'm a very impatient bitch and can't wait for more than 10 minutes.
• Can I add you on Facebook and tag you on my latest 'check-in' status?
• Can you deal with my mood swings and not complain about it.... EVER?!
• Will you guest post on my blog someday? [<--My absolute favorite!!]

Most of her other questions don't apply for my dates (seeing as I'm old enough to be her mom, this is probably to be expected). But some questions I would love to ask:

• Do you talk in text speak? Do you know the difference between to, too, and two? How about
  
  their, there, and they're? If not, tell me now.
• How do you feel about dating someone who writes a dating blog? [<--Followed closely by, "Will you write a guest post?"]
• Do you support same sex marriage and a woman's right to choose? 
• Will you let my cat sit in your lap and sleep on the bed? 
• Are you actually going to call after this date? Or are you just saying you will? Don't lie.
• If you are not going to call - at what point during this date did you make that decision?
• If you are going to call...you're not clingy, are you? How many times a day do you "check in?"
• How long do your relationships usually last? 
• When did your last relationship end? 
• Did you Google me before meeting? What did you find?
• ....and so on.

It's true that sometimes the opportunity to ask some of these questions does present itself. Not always directly, but certainly politics and past relationships do sometimes come up on a first date. 

I feel like we all go on first dates (or initial assessments) with a list of questions to which we want answers. The trick is working them into the conversation, so it doesn't seem like you're interrogating the guy.

Maybe I should just lead with, "Do you mind being interrogated?" 

And then I hid my OKCupid profile

I received this message on OKCupid:

Hi if you made me into your pantyhose what color pair would you make me into please and after you tell me what color I will fully explain what I am getting at and what this entails and it isn't about sex I promise. I want to make history to become your hybrid pantyhose a new breed of its kind. I would tell you the great benefits you will get from this they aren't bad at all. I want to become them only difference is I would be massaging hose that would be super cozy and to keep you warm when needed and keep your stress away. If you don't care for my idea I am willing to drop it totally and talk about something else.

...and then I hid my profile.

I also learned that this person (supposedly a local twenty-something man) sent this exact same message to another local thirty-something woman. And here I thought I was special...

The truth is...

Baking Suit sent me a link to this post over at A Life Less Bullshit. She asked what truth I would tell...and I immediately knew what truth I wanted to share here.

For the past couple of months (now almost three) I've been seeing a particular guy. I haven't mentioned much about him here, because I wasn't really sure where it was going. I referred to him once as my booty call guy - but the truth is, he's not just a booty-call. We're more than a booty-call...more than friends...but we're not quite a couple.

The truth is, I'm not really sure what we are.

Whatever this is, I get the impression he'd never want it to be more. He's never said he wants to be exclusive. I know he's still online regularly (we met on Match). He rarely makes plans ahead of time. He doesn't ask me to go anywhere with his friends. He's never expressed interest in joining me with mine. Our work schedules conflict, so we can only see each other on the weekends - and that's assuming our weekend schedules line up. During the week, we barely even have time to talk.

He's the perfect bachelor - studio apartment, no pets, no responsibilities, no ties or connections to anything. He moved to the area for work just this year; and sometimes I get the feeling he wants to live his life in such a way that he could just pick up and move again if the opportunity presented itself.

Which is all fine...but it means that the two of us probably don't have much of a future. What we are right now is probably all we'll ever be. I think he'd be fine with that - I'm just not sure that I would.

Don't get me wrong - it's fine right now. I like the casual feeling. I like not owing anyone an explanation, or having to coordinate schedules. I like the independence, but still having someone around.

But even though I like the way things are now, there are two problems:

Found it here

• I know it isn't what I'll always want
• Focusing on this may cause me to let another opportunity pass by 

A while back, I thought about asking him if he sees us ever getting more serious. I chickened out. The truth is, I'm not sure I want to push it to be more serious. I certainly don't want anyone committing to me out of pressure. Once I say something, I kinda have to be willing to get more serious - and I'm not ready to back myself into that corner.

I think I just want to know if the potential to get serious exists - without necessarily diving in.

Does that make sense?

That isn't the only reason I hesitate to have the conversation. The truth is, a part of me knows that he may say he won't ever want to get serious. It's not that I'm afraid of rejection. I honestly think that response would have more to do with him than with me.

I'm afraid when he says that, I'll be forced to do what's right for me, and walk away. But sometimes what's right and what we want are two different things.

So I guess right now, the truth is... I just don't know. I guess that'll have to be OK for now.

Bling It on! Submit glam nails to Hpnotiq for a chance to win

Visit to enter

We've got a bit of a glam theme this month - I just love things that shine and sparkle, don't you?

One of my favorite things to do is get my nails done. It's a completely solo activity (though I do get the occasional pedicure with Baking Suit), and time I can just spend alone, without having to answer my phone, or impress anyone, or be social (which is sometimes an effort).

A couple weeks ago, we talked about your glammest shoes. I told you that Hpnotiq wanted to see pictures of your most coveted pairs. This time? They want to see your favorite nail designs.

Just like last time, your entries can be a picture you take yourself, or an image you find on the internet.Hpnotiq just wants to see the glammest nails you can find! You can submit these entries until 11:59:59 EST June 30. Hurry - the prize for this round is free manicures / pedicures for a year (up to $1,200 in value).

Visit

Four lucky winners will score free manicures / pedicures for a year (up to $1,200 in value) and be entered for a chance to win the GRAND PRIZE - a trip for you and three friends to Los Angeles! What will you do? How about a shopping spree with a celebrity, a professional photo shoot, and the chance to appear in a Hpnotiq ad? Who's ready to Bling It On!? 

(If you're stuck for ideas - might I suggest Pinterest?)

To enter, visit here. You can also enter on Hpnotiq's Facebook page, or follow@Hpnotiq on twitter and tweet them your picture using the hashtag #GLAMLOUDER. If you're one of the four winners, you'll also be able to complete in the final round for a chance to win the grand prize!

My favorite from Pinterest.

This post was sponsored by Hpnotiq. I was compensated for the post and ads. I do love to get my nails done, and believe a lady should take care of her nails (hand and feet). 

Date feedback

I was chatting with a guy on Plenty of Fish the other day. My mobile app crashed, and because I can't stand to have unfinished business, I logged into the site on my phone to send my last message.

While I was there, I noticed a new feature on the site that has not yet appeared on the mobile app: Give Date Feedback.

In my inbox, next to each conversation, was an option to give date feedback. When I clicked, it took me to a page that asked me to rate that particular date based on: 

• Connection (how well did you and your date connect in person)
• Accuracy (how closely did your date resemble his profile)

It then asked me to score my date on:

• Conversation skills
• Manners
• Sense of humor
• Open mindedness

Finally, I was asked what I liked about my date, and what he could maybe improve. There are multiple options for each, including punctuality, dressing appropriately, attractiveness, offering to pay for the bill, asking more questions, etc.

I figured out that clicking "continue" actually submits the feedback - and triggers an email to the user. He is notified that feedback was given, and from whom. He can only view the details if he has an upgraded membership.

I. Love. This. 

While I agree that it's important to give feedback fairly and politely, I also think it's fabulous that people could finally learn it's just plain rude to be late, or not dress properly, or whatever. Sometimes giving that feedback is tough; this feature might make that a little easier. I also think it might satisfy curiosity for some who wonder why a date never called again.

Talk about a public service. A great idea - and, oddly familiar.

***I do not have an upgraded profile - however, I'd be quick to purchase one if I get feedback. I would absolutely love to know what I could improve, and what people like about me. As long as they don't want me to go hiking or kayaking, I'm open to suggestions.***

EHarmony got the memo

I heard a radio ad for EHarmony recently, with ground-breaking insight into the minds of singles everywhere:

Not everyone wants to get married.

It seems the site, which has long prided itself on finding only lasting matches, may have finally realized that some people really do just want to date.

The ad went on to talk about how EHarmony can help you find people with similar interests with whom you can have fun.

"Think how happy your dating life will be when you can find quality people to date."

I wonder if Plenty of Fish and OKCupid (or even Match) felt that dig?

For what it's worth... I've used all these sites. I'd never go back to EHarmony. They have the same quality as everyone else.

A new feature on OKCupid

OKCupid has this new feature on their Android app that lets you view profile pictures of users and say whether you "like" them by swiping the picture to the side (a swipe to the right, you like them; to the left, you don't). The only details you see about the person are their age, status, and orientation (so - 43 / single / straight).

It's kinda like playing a card game - an excellent way to pass the time at work. But, it's also frivilous and shallow - since you're judging people on the basis of nothing more than their profile photo.

If I say I like someone, and that someone says he likes me, we both get an email telling us we like each other. That would be great - if I was meeting local people.

I was connected with one guy who lives about 5 hours from me by car, and another who lives 4 hours away. My most recent connection lives about 3,000 miles away. While I'm sure these men are all lovely people, and would be quality dates and maybe even a great long-term relationship - I wasn't kidding, OKCupid, when I said I'm interested in meeting people "near me." I'm looking for a date, maybe a relationship - I'm not trying to audition for my own reality TV series.

So, in addition to being shallow and frivilous - this feature is also basically useless.

Someone sound

It occurred to me that making fun of profiles might be a little mean. Perhaps there's a good reason that someone might not have access to spell-check or digital photos of themselves. Maybe they never had the chance to learn the difference between "their" and "there." It occurred to me that maybe it isn't right to poke fun when I'm not in a position to give constructive criticism.

Then it occurred to me that nothing forces these people to create a profile on the internet. So... whatever. A blogger's gotta blog.

I stumbled across this profile on match.com. He posted no photo, and listed his education level as graduate.

tired of being used

I'm looking for a woman who wants to spend time together as well as spending time with there own friends. Someone who is financhile (How does this even happen?!) sound and emotionaly sound.I would like to have more fun in my life and enjoy it with someone special.

I suspect he does not really have a graduate degree.

I also suspect that if women have used him in the past, it was not as a dictionary.

Since you asked....

This week's since you asked is dedicated to Upstate New Yorkers: Men and women who like to kayak and hike, the men and women who love them, and the men and women who insist that geography dictates the rest of us must be exactly the same.

Just because I live in upstate New York does not mean I like to kayak and hike. I like my nature complete with pavement or wood, a comfy chair, nearby indoor plumbing, a strong cellular signal (and wifi if possible) and maybe - maybe - some sand. I like my nature occasionally, and in small doses.

It's not a fear thing, or because I need encouragement. I am not afraid to kayak or hike. I don't think I'd be unable to do either. In fact - I have hiked. While I haven't kayaked, I have been in a canoe. So when I say I don't want to go kayaking or hiking, it isn't out of fear. I don't hesitate because I'm afraid to look foolish or try new things.

I say no because I don't like to get wet, or sweat, or get bug bites. I don't like to wear life-jackets (or honestly, even a swimsuit), or be trapped in a tiny boat in the middle of a freaking lake. I don't like messing up my hair or my makeup. I don't want to be stuck on a damn mountain, chased by a bear or a mountain lion. I don't want to see snakes of any variety - ever. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but the woods where people hike are crawling - ew - with those things.

Notice I didn't say I'm afraid to get wet or sweat, or that I'm afraid of bugs or woods or water. I'm not afraid. I. Don't. Like. Them. If you make me do something I don't like, I get cranky. Trust me when I say you do not want to be trapped in the woods with a cranky GGS. Especially without witnesses.

So my "no" is not a plea for you to keep asking, or to encourage me to "embrace life" or "try new things!" I'm saying no because I'm a very self-aware, independent, adult woman. I know what I like - and what I don't.

I know what I'm supposed to do - and I know what I want to do. Sometimes they intersect. There's nothing - not a freakin' thing - that annoys me more than someone telling me when that should happen.

The great thing about being single is, I decide.

Bad date gone worse

I have "met" a bunch of guys recently. By met, I mean exchanged messages and/or texts. Mostly it hasn't gone any further.

Last weekend, though, I was invited out on two casual "first meetings." I honestly wasn't looking forward to either, but they both seemed like nice guys, so I figured it couldn't hurt. . It was a nice day to be out and about, and meeting new people is usually interesting, if not always fun.

Found it here

Date #1 arrived at the coffee shop right on time. He walked in, said hi, and then immediately excused himself to put his suit coat back in his car, because I was dressed casually. It was a Sunday afternoon, and I'd just come from an afternoon of volunteering in the park (which he knew). I was casual, but certainly not messy.

I found that to be a little awkward...but I moved on.

He started asking me about my previous relationships. I can't say enough how much I hate when people do this. Yes, if we're dating, previous relationships should come up. But shouldn't you want to know me before you get to know them?!

To make matters even more uncomfortable, he asked what had gone wrong in my long-term relationships since my divorce. I said that both men (Big and Trooper) had just come to the realization that I wasn't the one they wanted to be with long-term, so they ended things.

It's the simple, easy answer. It also happens to be true. So you'd think that would satisfy a person's curiosity.

You'd be wrong, though.

He's a counselor - so he switched into counselor-mode and asked if I'd ever spent any time thinking about what might have happened? More importantly, had I tried to figure out what was wrong with me that had made them change their minds?

I looked up from my salad (which I was now plowing through in an effort to bring this date meeting disaster to a screeching hault) and said, "No, I just figured they were both jackasses." Perhaps an over-simplification, but it seemed like the quickest answer.

I'm not a counselor, and I don't claim to be a dating expert (if there is any such thing). Still, it seems to me that it is bad etiquette (and a bad idea) to suggest to someone you want to date that previous relationship failures were her fault.

He switched gears at that point, and said it seemed like I have all the qualities he's looking for. I reminded him that we'd only just met, and asked how could he possibly already know that he's interested? He responded by explaining that if he wasn't interested, he would have known right when he saw me, and turned around and walked out of the coffee shop. He would have pretended he was someone else, didn't recognize me, and just left me sitting there.

I think - I think - I was supposed to feel flattered that he found me attractive enough to come in and sit down. I think.

I wasn't flattered. I also didn't have a response.

When he walked me to my car, I told him it was very nice to have met him, but that I didn't feel there was a connection (he asked). I also thanked him for lunch.

Spot reserved

Years ago, I worked for a company that held monthly meetings in an office a couple of hours away from where I usually worked. Each month, a coworker and I would make the early-moring trip to attend.

Neither of us were morning people, and occasionally we would run a little late. On those mornings, his plan was to drop me at the office door, and have me bring his coat in with me. I was to go into the meeting room (where I would hopefully beat the manager) and place his coat on his regular chair.

Why? "If your coat is in the room, it reserves your spot. You're present - even if you're not present."

That was his way to avoid being late. He wasn't especially good at all the parts of his job. But he was a very good bullshitter - which, as luck would have it, was a large part of how he made his living.

In the last couple of weeks, I've noticed this "reserve your spot" mentality seems to be slipping over into the online dating world. Here's how it works:

I email a guy and let him know I'm interested in talking. He responds with some reason why he can't talk for

Found it here

a while - which has ranged from a few hours to a few months. But, he says, he wants to let me know he's interested and will be in touch.

I, naturally, start holding my breath right then.

Can we all just agree that online dating sites are not like a deli? It's not like sending me an email reserves you a number, and I plan to serve you in that order.

If you're trying to prevent me from talking to other guys - that won't work. Honestly, that wouldn't happen even if we did start having a conversation. I can't form a connection with you based on three lines of "I'll get back to you" so I'm certainly not going to walk away from people who can make the time for me now.

Not to mention - for all I know, you're not actually interested. Maybe that's just your way of brushing me off. Until I know for sure - you're moved to the back of the line, sir.

Or perhaps it's really just your way of keeping your options open, while you decide how far you want to take things with your current date. Which means you're putting me on the backburner? Um...no.

The truth is, I'm not a huge fan of the online communication. I want to say hi, establish interest, confirm you're not a serial killer, and move the communication offline as quickly as possible. Email, texting - that's all great for getting to know about each other. But it's no way to tell if we're a good match.

To a certain degree, meeting people online might appeal to the lazy or the impatient. Sure, it makes meeting a little easier (and possible to do in your pajamas). But actual dating still requires work. You can't just phone it in.

Dating is like a raffle - you have to be present to win.

Friend zone

I see a lot of men online who are just looking for friends...or who want to date but nothing serious...or who just want to "see where it goes."

I get the point. You enter online dating feeling like you just want to meet the first person who makes sense and settle down into a relationship. After a while, you realize that does not work. You get to a point where you really just want love and romance to happen naturally. You're still meeting people online - hey, it can't happen naturally if it never gets started - but you want to make sure it's clear you won't be rushing into a relationship. You want to give yourself time and space to allow feelings to happen and develop - and freedom to move on if they don't.

It would be great if no one felt they had to make that clear. It should go without saying that's how dating  works. Unfortunately, in the world of online dating, it doesn't. People easily leap to the conclusion that

Found it here

just because you're talking, that means you're dating. If you go out to dinner, they're ready to start picking out China patterns and baby names.

Some people take it too far, though. [By "people" I of course mean men, but that's only because I only have experience dating men. I'm sure women are just as guilty] By just messaging now and then (maybe once or twice a week) and keeping it superficial (How's your week going? How was your weekend?) it's very hard to make any sort of a connection.

If you're not connecting, you always have at least one foot in the dreaded friend zone.

Don't get me wrong - I know some people truly are looking for friendship, and that's cool. I also know sometimes people do this because after the initial conversation (or maybe even a first meeting) they prefer to just be friends.

I'm talking about people who want more - and want a chance to get to know this person better to see if they want more with her - but still hold back. It's like they're resisting saying or doing what they really feel because they figure it'll make them seem more interested than they want (even if that's how interested they really are), so they keep their steps in check.

I understand not wanting to get hurt. I understand not wanting to settle. I understand not wanting to rush into anything, or feel pressure (or pressure someone else). I also understand not wanting to become "just friends" with someone when you're feeling more. I understand wanting a relationship.

Seems to me there's a better answer than going to either extreme. There's no rule that says you have to either jump in without looking, or sit on the shore without even getting your feet wet. Not everything has to be a big leap; there is something to be said for taking small steps.

After all, if you want love to do its thing and "happen naturally," at some point you have to get out of the way - and let it happen.

How to read the signs

I've been going round and round with this guy I've been seeing for a while on whether or not I should call him if I haven't heard from him in a while.

He laughs and says, "Oh I forgot, your phone has that problem where it can't make calls, only receive them."

Exactly.

Thing is, I've gotten so used to guys just disappearing when they lose interest, I assume that's what's happening if he doesn't call for a while. I don't want to call him and put him on the spot if he's lost interest, and I also don't need to hear rejection. Feeling it sucks plenty.

In this particular case, it seems, this guy is still interested. His absence isn't a sign he's pulling away, like it has been with others. It's more a sign that he's busy, or not wanting to bother me.

My personal issues aside (yup, I know they're there), this is one of those situations where I just wish guys would get their act together. It would be much easier to interpret behavior if the same actions meant the same thing, no matter the guy.

Take these signs he's just not that into you, from iVillage. If not committing to plans is a sign he's not into you, shouldn't making plans be a sign that he is? I have had a couple of guys welcome my "stuff" at their place, allow me access to their computer or phone, or invite me to family/friend events - only to eventually be told that despite all that, they were just not that into me.

Down is up, left is right, in is out....and they say women are complicated. If I don't like you, I'll just straight up tell you. There will be no guessing. Why can't men be that easy to understand?

Found it here

Bling It on! Submit your glam heels to Hpnotiq for a chance to win

Click here to enter

If you're a regular reader around these parts, you know I date a lot, in the hopes of finding a relationship. You also know I've been single for a while, and you've probably figured out that I don't totally mind being single. 

One of things I like most about being single is the fact that I don't have to share my money, or explain when I spend it frivolously. Honestly, a great man in my life would be wonderful - but I'm already in a very happy relationship with my shoe closet. 

So I was pretty excited to learn about a new contest from Hpnotiq. From now until July 28, 2013, submit photos in different categories to win. Categories include glam heels, nails, makeup, and overall look. Images can be pictures you take yourself, or something you find online.

Visit

What can you win? One pair of shoes of your choice (up to $800 value), one purse of your choice (up to $1,000 value), one year of manis/pedis (up to $1,200 value), a $1,000 gift card to Sephora or Ulta (Yay!). Plus a chance to win the grand prize - a trip for you and three friends to join a celebrity in Los Angeles for a shopping trip! The grand prize also includes a professional photo shoot, and the chance to be in a real Hpnotiq ad.

So how do you enter? Hpnotiq's Glammest Hells Challenge is going on right now. Hurry - the entry period ends at 11:59:59 am EST on June 16! For the first challenge, participants are asked to share their latest shoe crush. Hpnotiq wants to see the glammest heels you can find. Submit a picture of your own, or find a picture online of shoes you simply must have. Four lucky winners will get their choice of glam heels valued up to $800.

To enter, visit here. You can also enter on Hpnotiq's Facebook page, or follow @Hpnotiq on twitter and tweet them your picture using the hashtag #GLAMLOUDER. If you're one of the four winners, you'll also be able to complete in the final round for a chance to win the grand prize!



I love these shoes



This post was sponsored by Hpnotiq. I was compensated for the post and ads. However, I do fully believe in the power of shoes, and am absolutely entering this contest.

Since you asked... Cranky edition

This collection of random observations sounds a little more cranky and complain-y than usual. Or maybe I'm just a little more cranky in general. Either way, I was going to change them up a bit, but then I figured cranky best represents my mood

What can I say? It's been a week. This too shall pass. Meantime, there's sushi and the weekend!

***********************

* If we've talked on the phone, texted, or gone on a date - why email me on a dating site? It's impersonal, and says nothing good about the future of our friendship/relationship.

* Let's just agree that unless you're traveling to the moon, being out of town is not a valid reason for being out of touch on a dating site. "I'm interested, will be in touch when I'm back," is really just code for, "I'm already dating someone, but want to keep my options open in case it tanks anytime soon."

* Incidentally, if you give me this line, we'll probably never date. If you can look for other options behind her back, what would stop you from doing the same to me?

* Why are you using baby pictures in your profile?! This isn't freaking Facebook. I want to see what you look like now. Not what you looked like 30 years ago, or what your kids look like, either.

* We've reached a new low in online-dating etiquette when a friend's ex contacts me on a dating site to ask me to ask her to call him.



Found it here



Spouse in the house

My church pastor loves to say, "Find your spouse in the house!" It's a Christian church, where divorce is a sin and sex is for marriage and making babies. The singles he's talking to are twenty-somethings looking to start a family. There are very few singles my age. I'm not convinced I've ever seen any, to be honest. So naturally, he's not talking to me.

Still, it was a little uncomfortable when I was sitting next to Trooper during Saturday's service, when we hear Pastor say, "Find your spouse in the house. Maybe your spouse is sitting next to you right now!"

I have never in my life wanted to duct-tape someone's mouth shut. I'm sure God would have understood.

Found it here

Message me if...

One thing I try very hard to avoid on my dating profile(s) is listing my requirements for who I'd like to hear from, and who I wouldn't. I talk about myself, which hopefully gives some clue as to who I might like to meet. I talk about what it is I hope to find in a relationship, so that prospective dates know right off the bat if we want different things.

I just feel like, "don't message me if you're so-and-so" or "such-and-such need not apply" is negative and comes across harsh and judgmental. Plus - it won't work. If I say "stupid guys shouldn't message me," most "stupid" guys won't realize I'm talking about them, anyway, because they think they're smart. Meanwhile, the smart ones think I'm just rude. Where does that get me?

Do you see the problem?
Found it here

Anyhoo...I was trolling stalking visiting profiles the other day in search of a date blog material chance to meet a nice new person, and stumbled across a profile that - at first glance - seemed very promising.

(Which just goes to prove you should never judge a book by its cover.)

His profile detailed some of his favorite things (food, hobbies, etc) and ended with:

You should message me if:

You like to enjoy life, see new places, try new things and are not diagnosed or ar being treated for any mental disorders, have not had a recent breakup or divorce and have not spent the last 5 years continously on this site or others like it.

Thanks! Hope to hear from you!

As I understand it, he'd like to meet someone who is either in denial about any emotional problems, or has chosen to leave them untreated. Mental illness could be anything from paranoid schizophrenia to a panic attack once during college finals. Best not to take any chances.

Prince Charming here is 37 and never married, and would presumably prefer to find someone in a similar situation. That should be easy, since the world is just over-flowing with men and women in their late thirties with absolutely no relationship experience. As a bonus, these people are, of course, the absolute best candidates for the type of mature, committed relationship he says he'd like to find.

If you have been in a previous relationship, he'll consider responding - but only if it did not end too recently. Of course, if it ended a while ago, that means you may have been on this site for too long, which is also a problem. It's probably best if you broke up with someone a year ago, took a break from dating, and created your profile within the last week. If that's you, the line forms here ->.

Of course, you need to be open to new experiences - as long as those experiences don't include a willingness to meet new people (at least not online), or try relationships, or anything that might trigger the slightest bit of anxiety (which can be considered a "mental illness"). 

By the way, the "You should message me if..." portion of his profile (which is on Plenty of Fish) was probably stolen borrowed from OKCupid, where the profiles actually contain a section with that title. I wonder how long this guy has been online?

What are you doing this weekend?

"What are you doing this weekend?"

Seems like a harmless question, right? I ask just about anyone this question, especially if we're chatting on a Friday.

A few weeks back I met a nice guy on Match. We struck up a conversation, and agreed to meet for dinner that Friday. I thought it went OK, but I wasn't convinced he was interested. I was pleasantly surprised when I heard from him the next day.

We continued talking all week, and the following Friday he texted me to say good morning, and that he was

I suppose that's one possibility.

sorry he hadn't texted the night before. He had gotten busy, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I didn't actually expect (or need) the explanation, but him giving it to me was, I thought, a sign he wanted to keep chatting. Plus, we were basically in the middle of a conversation (as much as you can be over text, anyway), so I was encouraged. It was a Friday morning, so I asked,

"What are you doing this weekend?"

I suppose it could have sounded like I was leading up to asking him out, or hinting that I wanted to ask him. Actually, neither was true, though I might have accepted an invite if one had been extended.

Turned out it wouldn't matter. This was about three weeks ago - and I haven't heard from him since.

I can understand not wanting to go out again. I can even understand (sort of) continuing to chat in case you weren't sure. I can absolutely understand not being sure what to say if you're not sure and you think you've been backed into a corner.

What's a little confusing is why a grown man would just disappear rather than just finishing a conversation - especially one he started.