Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Baggage Check

Last spring, I met this guy. Well, no - that's not actually true. I knew this guy because he was a former client of mine through work. But last spring, we discovered that we had mutual friends. Those mutual friends were a couple, and they decided they were going to try and fix me and Mr. New Guy up on a date. Except, at that point, I was dating Big and wasn't interested. I told them so, and the conversation ended.

Fast forward to just after the end of things with Big, and this guy appears out of nowhere. Seriously - do men have radar? Or some underground network that alerts them to these sorts of changes? After he presses me about how I'm doing, I (stupidly) admit that I'm going through a breakup. 

His response. "Well, it's his loss." While I appreciate the sentiment - at that moment, that was not how I felt. I also didn't appreciate when he started telling me how stupid Big must be - because now, of course, all I can think of are all the reasons why Big isn't stupid, and how it's not his loss. {sigh} I really didn't need that. 

New Guy said he'd like to take me out, and I politely declined, saying I wasn't ready. He said we could just hang out as friends, to which I responded by saying that I preferred to spend time alone because I wasn't good company to anyone. 

He pressed. He texted, IMed. He emailed. Way too much pressure. Plus - there was the baggage:
  • He is a former, and prospective, client. I'm iffy about mixing my business and personal lives. 
  • After the aforementioned mutual friends split earlier in the year, he briefly dated my good friend. I've always felt like dating a friend's ex is a no-no. Even under these circumstances.
  • He has some addiction issues - specifically alcohol and gambling
  • He has two ex wives and four children. 
I'm certainly not perfect - but I did spend a lot of time working on my "issues" so that when I started dating, I wasn't making my problems someone else's problems. I sort of think we owe that to ourselves, and to each other, you know? It was one reason why I didn't want to date New Guy too soon - I was afraid I'd be using him to rebound, and that seemed unfair. 

We all have baggage - I know that. But this feels like more than just baggage; more like a whole cargo jet! So, what to do about New Guy? 

Thoughts, readers? 

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