Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Just Enough

January 2010

After my cowardly email, we really didn't see each other for a while. I'll confess - things picked up with another guy. I was seeing him a lot, and not really seeing Big at all. But towards the end of the month, Big and I finally made plans. 

He was all nice and sweet. He seemed happy to see me. I let the "where do we stand" conversation go; remember, I was just letting things happen. We really weren't seeing a whole lot of each other. Big was protective of his time, and I had other things going on.

The thing was - every time I met another guy, I found myself comparing him to Big. Big was better looking, Big was smarter...Big made me smile, Big didn't try too hard. It was becoming more and more clear to me what I wanted; and with whom I wanted to be. 

I firmly believe that everyone in our life is here with a purpose. Maybe to teach us a lesson, or help us through a difficult time. Some people are meant to be in our life forever. 

I was starting to think that maybe Big was in my life to help me figure out exactly what I wanted in a relationship. He seemed to want me around, and to like me - but it also felt like he was holding back. It never occurred to me that he was here to be in my life permanently; I figured I'd learn my lesson, and then he'd move on. 

It's hard to balance letting your guard down to learn a lesson, while still keeping it up just enough to prevent the heartache....

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