Friday, October 12, 2012

Who is the jerk?

"I single-handedly blew it," she said.

She was at his house, after a great third date. One thing led to another, and after some really awkward first-time sex, she lay in his bed, unable to sleep.

No goodnight? No kiss? No nothing. He'd gotten what he wanted, took a quick shower, made himself a snack, and went to sleep. Her staying was more of an afterthought than an invitation.

She felt icky, and irritated. Mostly, she just wanted to be in her own bed, far away from what was feeling more and more like a big mistake.

So, she got up and left.

She told herself that she wasn't waking him because he was tired. But as soon as she got in her car, she realized that wasn't true. She didn't wake him because she was angry, and hurt, and didn't know how to bring it up. She left because she couldn't stay next to him without saying something.

She texted him to explain, and apologize. He replied the next morning, saying that he was hurt and needed to "process" what had happened.

She felt lousy - and told her friend she'd managed to single-handedly ruin something that could have been good. I was asked, so I'm sharing my take:

They were both wrong.

Sure, she should not have bolted. I mean - in all honesty, unless specifically invited to stay, I have never spent the night after the first time. I feel like it sets a bad precedence that I will always want/expect to spend the night. I don't. I have a life; it includes my own bed, my own closet, my own shower, and my cats. I got stuff to go home to, ya know? Besides, there's plenty of time to work up to the sleepover.

But when I leave, I certainly say goodnight, and I think she should have as well, even if that meant waking him. If you can let someone put his parts inside your body, you should be able to shake him on the shoulder. But hey - we've all been there. She was probably caught off-guard, not knowing what to expect. Before she realized what was happening, she was laying next to some guy snoring away, while she tossed and turned. She panicked. It happens.

But what about him? Quick, all-about-him sex, a shower and snack, and he just goes to sleep? That's their first time? No freakin' way. You only get one first time at anything - and you're supposed to put your best foot forward. Allowing for awkwardness isn't the issue...he was flat-out rude. If that is his best foot, I'd hate to see what might happen after they became comfortable with each other.

As for him needing to "process" her apology and explanation, here's how I read that:

I have to process = 
I got laid, and didn't even have to figure out how to kick you out. 
As a bonus, you feel bad enough that I can blame you for the fact that I'll never call again. 

I know that might seem harsh, and maybe it's a little unfair (I don't even know this guy), but I mean - c'mon! The woman was, at the very least, his house guest. He must realize he should be considerate and kind and polite? Surely he was taught better?  

My opinion is that this guy owes this woman as much of an apology as she owed him. 

The fact that he hasn't offered that apology tells me that what she really ruined was the chance to keep dating an inconsiderate clod, who apparently can't even spell the word "orgasm." 

I don't consider that a "ruined" anything. I consider that a bullet dodged.

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