Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I'm a snob

I went on a date the other night with this guy.

Turns out - he's really not a jerk. He really did delete his profile because he didn't like the women who were approaching him. He was not attempting to plant doubt in my head about my previous relationship, but rather comment on how impressed he was by the lengths to which I would go to try and make a relationship work.

A few weeks back I told him I couldn't continue talking to him because I needed time to sort things out with Sparrow, and see if it could be worked on. He reacted poorly; he's since admitted that was becasue he prefers to not be in situations where he knows he doesn't have a chance.

That seemed very fair - and honest.

During a phone conversation, and subsequent date, I learned a lot.
  • He's very tall
  • Source
    He cooks (we'll call him Chef - which totally makes me think of the muppets)
  • He has had some work and health issues which left him without a job for a while
  • Being out of work has put him in a tenuous financial position
  • He lives in a neighborhood that scares the crap out of me
  • He does not have a car (currently)
  • He's very intelligent
  • He's also very sweet, and respectful
  • His sense of humor is right in line with my own
  • He believes some of his troubles (part time work, no car) are temporary
  • He is a night owl who works weekends, making our schedules nearly opposite 
  • He sees himself as a "forever bachelor" - so even if we formed a relationship, it seems it already has an expiration date
I told Baking Suit that I think this means I'm too snobby to date him. She suggested maybe it just means we're in "different places in life." Which I think sounds like I'm too old to date him, which is funny, because he's seven years my senior.

But the more I think about it - the more I think (and hope) she might be on to something.

His "bachelor" status is, in large part, tied to his lifestyle. Being single suits him; and he suits the single life.

So maybe it isn't about me being a snob, or getting too caught up in the future. Maybe it isn't about me not wanting to try, or make an effort, or seeing things in black & white.

Maybe it is about me finally recognizing that I am in control. Maybe I'm finally learning that it is OK to keep searching for the right person who fits into my life, instead of trying to fit myself for the the wrong people.

Maybe it's about acknowledging, and appreciating, that everyone will have some good qualities. Maybe it's about learning what qualities are actually important to me.

Or maybe I am just a snob.

Either way - at least I know I'm in control.

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