My take on it was that it could be one of two outcomes:
- I could struggle and compromise and work - and end up heartbroken anyway
- I could struggle and compromise and work - and end happily ever after
What if I struggled and compromised and worked - and revisited in a month (or whatever time made sense)? What if I decided for myself, at that point, if things were working? What if I asked myself, "Am I trying hard enough? Is he?" and took it from that point? What if I took a little control, and responsibility, for protecting my own heart, and stopped relying on someone else not to break it?
I was worried that I'd end up broken hearted because Sparrow owed me nothing. My counselor reminded me that I owed Sparrow the same. All I was committing myself to was trying. I wasn't making a promise of forever, or a promise to be perfect.
As long as I tried, I'd done my part.
It occurs to me that is true of any relationship. Along the way, you make various commitments; I won't date other people, I'll meet your parents, I won't get drunk in front of your parents, etc. Eventually, if it gets there, you make a commitment to love that person forever. Til death do you part.
I'll spare you the joke about how that means you either need to love that person no matter what - or kill him.
But until you've made that promise - well, you haven't. Seems like it should be simple enough - you're only responsible for keeping the promises you have made. But it's not that easy for someone like me, who tries to plan for every possibility, contingency, and variable.
I worry if I can keep a promise before I'm even asked to make one. Maybe I need to just stop that; to cut myself some slack, and realize that I'm smart enough to know when a promise is too big, even for me.
It's a lot to teach myself, and will probably take some getting used to. But it might be a project that's worth a try.